Quitting smoking is not just
a matter of abstinence. When we first
take on this battle against the addiction, it is hard to comprehend the
monumental life changes that will occur as our quit progresses. It’s only natural that a whole new lifestyle
emerges when we eliminate something as overpowering and controlling as
smoking. Our mental outlook on life is a
large part of this change. It’s
definitely not something that happens all at once, but it can start to develop
as early as day one. Acknowledging the
addiction for the illness it is and for the power it has over us is often the
first step toward successful recovery.
Time is something that works in our favor when it comes
to developing the mental strength needed to control our addiction. Every smoke-free day that we add to the quit
reinforces our belief that we truly can achieve freedom from smoking. Eventually
we develop a solid mindset that further serves to strengthen our resolve and
helps us to maintain a smoke-free life.
Good morning!
Posted by Mark on February 13
at 07:07:02
Well, another
day, day five for me. I am feeling good today, as I was last night as
well. I learned some interesting things
on here yesterday, and because of them I’m looking at this quitting thing a
little differently. I will spend more time on attitude changes, like looking at
more of the good and not focusing on the bad. I’ll be looking for reasons to
smile. There are many things that I cannot change, and I will try not to dwell
on those, like cravings. But there are many things I can change and those are
the things I plan to focus on.
I know in my
heart that smoking is not an option. Therefore I must deal with the things that
will arise because of my quit, work on those that can be changed, and let go of
the ones that can’t. Quitting smoking is
a great thing, and that alone gives me much good to look forward to, but there
are also many daily joys that I can dwell on to keep my spirits up. It's really not that complicated.
Wishing you all a great day…
Take care,
My hands forget
Posted by David on August 21
at 18:51:36
I don't know how
many times today I reflexively reached for a cigarette and then felt that letdown
and sense of chagrin that I can't smoke. I really need a substitute. The
Smarties, Pixie Sticks and other candies aren't cutting it. They don't calm me
down. I wish there was a calming but
non-intoxicating drink, too, but I can't think of one. So I still sip coffee
out of habit, thinking of it as a reward or something to anticipate. I never
liked teas. Pop (soda) is good but I
wish there were a brand with a little dose of Valium or, hell I don't know,
opium in it.
Save the lungs!
That's all I care about now. I'm just
grouchy and I know I can't smoke. I'm really stuck as a quitter because usually
I'm so happy about it and I know one smoke will just strengthen the
cravings. Oh, well. Checking in here is
all. My best to you all… I know it's all worth it, but sometimes...
Quit August 8
Posted by JW on August 22 at
09:04:22
In reply to: My hands forget
Posted by David on August 21 at 18:51:36
I don't know if
you will stay smoke-free from now on (success rate is rather small, I am sorry
to say, but I beat the odds so far - after 24+ years of 2 packs or so a day...)
but I am convinced that you are looking in the right place for the answer! It
isn't in your checkbook, or your medical future or your rational brain - it is
in your heart and soul! That is the place to get resolve that lasts. Here,
people call that "really wanting to quit". I call it learning how to enjoy this journey we call life, again.
Life is wonderful. That is fact. Now, the question is whether we allow
ourselves to experience it or whether we want to continue to fog it up with
smoke...
I have seen a
lot of people over the past seven months on here looking for the cure - things like "If I take Zyban
and a 7mg patch, can I chew 2mg gum twice a day except on Wednesdays when I
chew three pieces, and will all my cravings go away… Yada yada yada...?"
That is looking for a medical cure! The funny thing is that they already had
that - it was called nicotine in a free-based
state - also known as smoking - it makes the cravings go away! Smoking to stop
smoking, as John
SJ
I have also seen
a lot of people asking for ways to cope with the cravings... you know -
cinnamon sticks, gum, etc., etc. Then three months later they go back to
smoking. Why? Because they didn't look in the right place! They were looking
for physical comfort instead of the answers that are in the soul – the ones
that are as individual as each of us!
Those things mentioned
above help at the beginning. I am a proponent of aides for smoking cessation at
first. They cut the edge off the withdrawals and can help keep depression from
setting in (major cause of relapse!). But they are aides - not cures. They do give you time to learn a system by which you can
stay smoke free from now on. That system must allow for a relearning of how
wonderful life really is… Sadness, happiness, fear, serenity, and every other
feeling makes it wonderful! We
understood that as children, and forgot it as adults, as we wove our way
through the years. Smoking helped to mask things – we know that much. Now we
have to learn to experience those things again! It is great to be an ex-smoker.
It is great to be alive - even when we experience sadness or other things not
joyful.
So, keep looking
in those places in your heart and soul for the answers. I cannot express how
much better my life is already since I quit smoking - not just smelling things,
and not coughing, and the other physical things, but my psyche - I feel as
though I have regained the power to control my life again.
God, Grant me
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the
things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference…
That is POWER!
Smile. Life is Wonderful.
JW
********
Posted by Lea on January 28 at 08:01:49
I saw a post
below somewhere, where you said you had quit smoking once before for seven
months? I am curious, if you don't mind my asking, what caused you to go back
to smoking after seven months? How long did you smoke before this last quit?
Just curious, since I still feel relapse everywhere in my life! Thanks for
answering.
Letting your guard down
Posted by Michael on January 28 at 08:26:24
In reply to: Michael – Question, please Posted by Lea on January
28 at 08:01:49
Yup, I quit once
before for seven months with self-hypnosis, which is a relaxation and focusing
technique - not the quack-like-a-duck
kind. J After a few months of daily
self-hypnosis, I got comfortable and confident that I was no longer addicted.
Around the seven-month mark I was driving along in my truck and found myself
pulling into a deli to buy a pack. No stress, no crisis that I'm aware of - I
just did it. From that day on I continued to smoke a pack a day for another
five years.
I've since come
to believe in the philosophy that I will always be an addict. It's just that
now, on a daily basis, I choose to NOT feed my addiction. That's the primary
reason you still find me on this Board, because I cannot let my guard down
again if I am to remain in control of my addiction.
Peace!
Fight the good fight!
Posted by Nancy 14:16:10
In reply to: Letting your
guard down Posted by Michael on January
28 at 08:26:24
Even though I
have been quit for over a year and I honestly can't remember the last time I
had a craving, I know that I am only one puff away from being a pack a day+
smoker. Even though smoking is repulsive
to me now and I have absolutely no desire to smoke, I know that if for some
reason I were to have only a couple puffs I wouldn't be able to stop at just
that. I believe that acceptance of this
fact is essential in order to succeed in controlling a smoking addiction.
One year, two months, one
week, three days, 2 hours, 17 minutes and 57 seconds. 16021 cigarettes not
smoked, saving $1,482.03. Life saved: 7 weeks, 6 days, 15 hours, 5 minutes.
********
Hello there...I've come to a conclusion about being an addict! And I am
scared!
Posted by Jay ~ on January 20
at 08:02:36
Good morning,
I have said this
many times before - but not until last night did I ever really REALIZE the
basic truth of what I am about to say and admit! I am an ADDICT!!! It has been
almost three weeks since I quit, and last night at work all I wanted to do was
buy a pack of cigarettes - and almost did because I am getting sick of feeling
this way! But worry not as I came to that very conclusion that I am an addict
and will probably always have a craving here and there for a cigarette and so I
didn’t buy any. And what would it hurt if I just decided to go and start
again??? I would just fall into the same pattern as before and be right back at
square one!
What is the
sense in doing that when I have worked so hard and fought like hell to be
smoke-free! I don't want to die younger than I have to just because I have some
stupid problem with being addicted to things easily, as my addictive
personality tries to control my thinking pattern... And if I had a question to
ask, it would be, "Do I have any control over my addictive personality way
of thinking?" - Because lately I
have been clinging on to other things and things that I should not be doing. I
notice that I take codeine a lot more then I should, and Gravol to help me
sleep a lot more then I should. I do not want any other addictions to any other
dangerous chemicals, so what do I do?
I feel that I am
stuck in this world of addiction where there is no freedom! I once almost
became an alcoholic, but when I saw what was happening, I stopped drinking, but
lately all I want to do is drink my brains away... I am sorry if it sounds like
I am complaining, but after the thoughts that went through my head last night,
I am now worried about my future. I DO NOT WANT TO BE AN ADDICT ANYMORE!!! Is
there anyone who knows anything about all this??? If so, please help!
2weeks 5days 22:52 smoke-free, 278 cigs not
smoked, $61.58 saved, 23:10
life saved
Posted by Michael on January 20 at 09:25:09
In reply to: Hello
there...I've come to a conclusion about being an addict! And I am scared!
Posted by Jay ~ on January 20 at 08:02:36
Hi Jason ,
CONGRATULATIONS! As of last night, you are no longer in denial
about your addiction. You now see
smoking for what it really is, an addiction.
You have also come to realize that you have an addictive
personality. What happened last night Jason was a major step toward recovery.
You asked for
information about addictive personalities.
Let me tell you a little story.
About 14 years ago my older sister asked me over one day because she had
something to tell me. She proceeded to
tell me that she had a drinking problem and wanted help. Her husband and I got her into rehab, and as
part of the treatment, family members were asked to attend lectures and
workshops on alcoholism. During one of
the lectures, the speaker flipped open a chart that described the first second
and third children of alcoholic families.
In an instant, my mouth pretty much dropped to the floor, because there
I was on that chart, third child, described to a tee by a total stranger. That got ME scared - like you wouldn’t
believe - and I then attended anything and everything these folks were
offering.
What I learned
is that many people are genetically prone to addiction. If there is a history of addiction or
compulsive behavior in your family, then there’s a good chance that you’ll end
up feeding some sort of addiction as well.
The actual type of addiction is not of importance, it all depends on
what we are exposed to during our lives.
In other words, the child of an alcoholic may become an alcoholic, too,
but can just as easily become addicted to gambling, smoking or narcotics.
Since that day
in the rehab center I’ve learned a lot about addiction, but the most important
thing to remember when it comes to the genetics is that we are PRONE to
addiction. It doesn’t mean we have to
feed one. What it does mean is that we
must remain on guard and be vigilant throughout our lives so we are not brought
down by a genetic trait we were born with.
It sucks having an addictive personality, Jason ,
but it’s who we are. Realizing it and
facing it head-on is what can make our lives enjoyable and functional.
You’re gonna make it Jason , you’ve discovered the truth.
Peace!
Fight the good fight!
That's very interesting Michael ....
Posted by Brooke on January 20 at 20:42:27
In reply to: Jason … Posted
by Michael on January 20 at 09:25:09
I have always
known I have an addictive personality and that I can get addicted to anything
from food to cigs to drawing... My father was an alcoholic and some of his
family was also... That explains why my boyfriend who doesn’t have an addictive
family history can have an odd cigarette once a month or so and never feels
addicted. I guess you’re right. We addictive personalities just have to stand
on guard and recognize ourselves for what we are.
Thanks again for the
insight...
********
I know that I am an addict
Posted by Joyce
on July 10 at 12:41:07
I just had to say this to everyone…
I think we all have to accept this, acknowledge it and believe it… I have
smoked for 25 years, I have blown quits before because I had the just one mentality... I have blown quits
before because I got it stuck in my head that life wouldn't be any fun anymore
if I didn't smoke... I have blown quits before because I had a fight with my
Sweetie...
To make it simple, I know now that I am a nicotine
addict. I know that one puff will lead me to a pack/carton/case. I also realize
that all those just ones I did 25
times a day kept me in the midst of my addiction, controlling me… I know, too, that
I have the power to control it, yes, and it took the good fight to get me where
I am right now. It took everything I have in me, and when I had no more fight,
Blairsville (support group) pulled me
through.
I know that I can't have 'just one'… I know in the
beginning of my quit, it helped me a lot to accept that I would have the
cravings, and I now know that smoking does not stop the cravings, it only
creates more. I am a nicotine addict, but I'm also a proud addict, because I
have gained the knowledge during this quit to know that it is all within my
control. I will always be an addict, but I now control my addiction and my
destiny.
WE'RE WINNING, BLAIRSVILLE, AND I THANK ALL OF YOU FOR
THAT… from one minute to the next… We are in control now... AND WE'LL KEEP
FIGHTING TOGETHER FOR THIS BLESSED FREEDOM!
FOR
THE 'HEALTH' OF IT - KEEPIN' THE QUIT AND KEEPIN' THE FAITH!
Six
months+
*******
DAY TWO!! A question for new quitters.
Posted by Simone on February
02 at 21:56:48
What's helping
you maintain? This is really difficult - I've never tried to quit before
(smoked for eight years) - and I'm fighting the fidgets as hard as I can. (Not
to mention the screaming moodswings, the irritability and frustration, energy
drain, etc.) Any ideas? Something that's
helping me (I'm only on day two, mind you) is rewarding myself (positive
reinforcement!) for my own perseverance - lots of long showers, gold
star-stickers on the calendar, going to the movies a lot (you can't smoke
inside - it's good), etc. And most importantly, I'm keeping my routine. I'm
accustomed to going outside periodically while at work and having a smoke, so I
do the same thing now - I just DO NOT go near the smoking area. I walk around for a minute with a non-smoking
friend. I'm trying to find low-fat
snacking foods. Breadsticks and rice
cakes are great for crumbling into small little bits and nibbling on slowly to
keep myself busy. I'm chewing three packs of gum a day. I love the gum, because it satisfies the
ritual of opening a pack, fumbling with the wrapper and taking out a small
object.
For a long time
I allowed myself to get sentimental about smoking. Hell, that's why I haven't quit until now. I
allowed myself to sustain an image (media-influenced) of the smoker: charming,
passionate, probably artistic or philosophical, brave, witty, rebellious, and
best of all, a person who could party like it's 1999. Cocktails & Camels;
Martinis & Marlboros; Parties & Pall-Malls.
I still find it's
easy to get nostalgic about smoking, but I think the fond memories are about
carelessness, not carefree-ness. We
MUST learn to care for ourselves. We've all seen the naked ladies on the Camel
packs, haven't we? We all know the deadly, deadly facts about smoking. We all
know it when we smell terrible - when our teeth start going yellow; when our
prescription for inhalers goes from occasional to frequent refill status. But
we've got a mind suck going on… Somehow
all this stuff doesn't add up - the addiction overrides logic.
The beauty comes
when one realizes that it's TIME TO STOP - that one CAN stop and that it's NOT
TOO LATE to change. A lot of people aren't as lucky as we are. Not that we all aren't having a bitch of a
time with knocking this shit. You are - I am - they are… It bites, but I hear
cancer is worse. SO KEEP ON QUITTING, EVERYONE!! This is one of the most
beautiful decisions any of us will ever make!!
P.S. For those of you who
find that gum helps, but hate the scuzzy yuck left on your teeth by sugared
gum, try any sugarless brand. No scuzz.
Posted by Benjamin on February 02 at 23:09:38
In reply to: DAY TWO!! A
question for new quitters. Posted by Simone
on February 02 at 21:56:48
I smoked for
seven years. I started at 17 (am 25 now). When I was in high school, there were
only two groups that smoked - the really dumb kids and the really smart ones.
Those of us who had IQs higher than our weight (hey, at 17 it was true!) got
into smoking because we loved the cool
aspect of it. We were urbane, sophisticated kids. We figured nothing was going
to kill us - for a while anyway - so why not smoke? Plus, it gives one a cheap
buzz, at least at first.
Later in life, I
still felt the same pull. A philosophy major in college, I found that good
coffee and good cigarettes make fine companions to late-night conversations. I
got stuck in the trap of self-induced image building.
Although the
former vastly outnumber the latter, my conception of smokers was not the
wheezing, overweight women toting oxygen tanks behind them at the grocery store;
it was the suave sophisticate holding court at one end of the bar with a pack
of Nat Shermans
So like I said,
nine days in, I'm past the physical stuff. My heart still does a flip-flop when
my brain sneaks it a "Hey buddy, how 'bout a smoke?" and occasionally
my body finds a little pocket of nicotine and says "HEY, REMEMBER
THIS?" but overall, I'm physically doing OK.
Mentally, it's
another story. I did, and do, want to quit, but I don't know if I will *ever*
truly want to be an ex-smoker. For a few days after quitting I tried to
convince myself that it was disgusting, and that I'd never want to do it again.
No luck. I am still flirting with it. Yes, I have quit, but I have a really
tough time convincing myself that I don't want to at least attempt to be a
social smoker at some point in the future. Maybe I'll just hold on to that
dream for now and it will wear off with time, but it does have some pull.
The standard
argument is that my mental impressions of smoking can entirely be attributed to
the cigarette manufacturers’ advertising and product placement. Maybe, maybe
not. There is something innately appealing about holding fire in one's
hand. Even if it is all media
manipulation, I've got to admit they've gotten to me. My sub-conscience,
frankly, buys it completely.
So what's a guy
- who knows they've gotten to him - to do? Do I deprive myself of another smoke
my whole life? Why? I don't deprive myself of red meat or alcohol, and I know
those are bad (and one is even addictive) - or do I wait until I am past the
worst and then decide to play with fire again? Can I justify risking
re-addiction in order to take the occasional puff and avoid the personally
annoying stigma of being an ex- anything?
Or perhaps,
folks, are these just the slightly drunk ramblings of a nicotine deprived man
who will now get some sleep and feel much better after a cup of coffee in the
morning? At any rate, I enjoyed your
post, Simone , tremendously. You've
identified exactly my current crisis. Physically fine, kind of bitter mentally,
but too smart to quit the quit. I'm in
at nine days, one hour and some change. Deal.
********
Dedicated to Smokers…
Posted by D.J. on April 2 at
19:26:17
I dedicate my two-month
ramble to smokers. I've been thinking about them a lot lately. After all, I am
one - in remission. I can remember what
it felt like to be a smoker around friends who had quit. It was always the
strangest mixture of envy, admiration, and personal despair. I swear to you all
- I would actually be waiting around for them to fail - felt a
crummy-kind-of-smug when they did. That way, I could say to myself - see? It's
too hard to do. So don't bother. I used to be so ashamed of the thoughts I
would have as a smoker that fell along these lines. It wasn't until I got to
Blairsville that I began to understand why I would think such inhumane things.
I'm an addict, that's why.
Even when I knew I wanted to
quit, it was too hard to admit to myself and others that I couldn't seem to
find the strength to sustain it. Someone quitting around me was just another
reminder of my own failings. It actually hurt. When I lost a party pal some
years ago because she couldn't do the pack and the bottle at our favorite
bistro with me anymore, I was crushed. When she picked it back up again a month
later, I was elated. I am so ashamed that I had those feelings, but I
understand better now why I had them - I'm an addict.
I am remembering these
complex emotions from smoking so that I don't lose touch with something I
really don't want to lose touch with. I really don't want to treat smokers with
inhumanity like this anymore - from either side of this thing. I really don't
want to look at them with disgust, resting on some fragile notion that I am
"stronger" than they are now. I don't want to watch them smoke with a
holier-than-thou attitude because I don't, or watch them with smug knowledge
when they are struggling in situations where they can't smoke - I have felt
that discomfort all too often myself. I am not going to wag my finger at them
because when non-smokers did that to me, I wanted to bite it off. I am not going to thumb my nose up in disgust
because they "stink...." or treat them as pariahs or losers or
wayward or weak. I think forgetting the humanity we also needed when we smoked
is sort of like Junkie Thinking: The Sequel.
If I do anything, I'd rather
hug them. Go right into the space of their cigarette stench and hug them,
commiserate - "Please don't hate yourself for this. It's hard. Hate won't
help." I would want to put my arms around them the way someone might have
put their arms around me and helped me to cry. Somehow I think that
understanding and sympathy would have let some light in upon my addiction, the
first crack in the fortress of my defensiveness.
“Please don't tell me about
people who die from this - I've already lost more than my share.” You tell me
that, and it sounds like I wouldn't even quit for the family members I loved
and lost - that cigarettes were more important than they were. Don't tell me
this - I'll hate myself for it. Please don't remind me about the money I've
spent when there were other more important needs. It just makes me feel stupid
and guilty. Please don't scare me, rattle me, shame me, threaten me, bribe me,
or ostracize me... please ...come into this stinking space, my clothes, my
hair, and put your arms around me anyway. Please tell me not to hate myself.
Remind me that it's hard. Help me open my own heart to myself with your
compassion, because I've forgotten how to do it myself. Help me find my own
humanity, held captive by this addiction...
D.J.
2 months
Lest I forget...
2 months
Lest I forget...
********
Getting nowhere fast
Posted by Steve on October 3
at 02:08:11
Hi Guys,
Well, I was at
this Board a couple of months ago and managed an entire smokeless week - my
first in about eight years. Then for some reason I took just one cig and I
think you know the rest of the story. So
here I am back at square one.
I'm so desperate
to get this horrible addiction out of my life. Really, over the last few years
I feel like I've been constantly fighting this battle and it's getting me
nowhere. Anyway, I know quitting is
something that I have to do but it just seems to take up so much time and
energy.
Well, I'm going
to go and smoke my last one ever
right now, and I could really do with all your support over the next few days,
weeks, whatever.
Take care and speak soon,
Posted by Michael on October 3 at 08:39:22
In reply to: Getting nowhere
fast Posted by Steve on October 3 at 02:08:11
Hi Steve ,
You're
absolutely right. Quitting smoking takes an awful lot of time and energy. If
you look at it realistically though, so does the act of smoking. A person who
smokes a pack a day spends roughly 18 to 20% of their waking hours involved in
smoking. If the smoker does 2 packs/day, that figure goes up to approximately
35%.
Smoking is an
all-consuming addiction time-wise. It just follows that the battle against the
addiction consume at least the same amount of time and energy, if not more.
This, however, must not be viewed as a bad thing or even a chore, because the
goal is one of such importance that it doesn't really matter how much time and
effort needs to be spent to achieve it.
The reality is
that quitting is hard, Steve , but
guess what? It really IS worth it.
Peace!
Fight the good fight!
********
I really, really hate this!
Posted by Brenda
J 09:21:55
Yeah… Is there a reason why nicotine is so much
more addictive than other things? What
is the answer Michael ? (Hope you have one)
Posted by Michael on January 2 at 21:02:40
In reply to: I really,
really hate this! Posted by Brenda
J 09:21:55
Hi Brenda ,
Caught your
question from this morning... I think cigarettes only seem more addictive than
the other compulsions, one, because they're relatively cheap, and two, because
of social acceptance. Well, until recently anyway... J Think
about it, right up until 1999 you could get yourself 20 nicotine fixes for just a couple of dollars. Not many other addictions are that cheap.
As far as social
acceptance, people have been frowning on alcoholism, drug use and gambling far
longer than they have cigarette smoking. It's the ease and the availability
that makes smoking so attractive to the addict mind. I’m just hoping all the
new legislation and taxes will help to curb that.
Peace!
Fight the good fight!
*******
I can never smoke again…
Posted by D.J. on February 28 at 22:16:48
I say this to
myself, like I'm telling someone about a long, involved accident I had - and
this happened and that happened - and it's a miracle that I got away with my
life, but I'm now physically/emotionally impaired, my hand got smashed or
something, or I sustained brain damage and cannot work disposable lighters
anymore, so, yes, I'm alive, it's okay, what a miracle, but "I can never
smoke again."
"I can
never smoke again." I say this to myself as though I've lost a friend
through death or some other permanent circumstance, like I really loved this
person/thing - it was in my life for a long time, but now it's gone, and that's
just the way these things go, so I have to LET GO, nodding my head with cosmic
understanding, realizing that "I can never smoke again."
"I
can never smoke again." Sometimes I say this to myself like I just got out
of the doctor's office and have been given the ultimate ultimatum, that if I
take one more drag off a fag, it will kill me instantly on the spot and that I
have been given a new lease on life that says if I don't smoke, everything will
be okay, so that I can be solemn and grateful at the same time for this second,
final chance to never smoke again.
"I can
never smoke again," is what I say when I imagine myself in the Broadway
musical "Damn Yankees" where the devil has appeared to grant me my
most solemn wish (and it's not to win the Series), and for his half of the
bargain, he insists that I never smoke again. The whole thing ends with a
really rousing chorus of "That Was My Wish Anyway, You Satanic Scum - That
I Won't Ever Have to Smoke Again! Ha! Ha!" or words to that effect.
I get up in the
morning, I go to bed at night, I drive the car, move through my day, and in my
head, I hear myself saying now and again, "I can never smoke again,"
but I hear it this way - I CAN DO IT. It is POSSIBLE. I am ABLE - Yippee! - to
never smoke again.
D.J.
Keeping this quit
Keeping this quit
********
Having a hard time with “new” feelings
Posted by Kate on April 18 at 11:11:31
Hi, I post
amongst you all, but I am not using my real name because I am embarrassed to
even ask this question, but I am going to anyway, even though I realize this is
a not marriage counseling board. My husband and I haven't had a real good
marriage for a while now, but for whatever reasons we have chosen to stay
together and even manage to do some things together. However, since I have quit
smoking (and it has been a couple of months now), things are changing. When he used to bother me I would just have a
smoke, take a deep breath and get over it - no big deal - life goes on. Now
that I am not smoking, things I used to be able to just pass off are really
getting to me and I feel like screaming!! Half the time I get so peed off I
can't even be in the same room with him! I hate this.
I never thought
there was any connection between this new feeling and smoking. However, my boss
said when you quit smoking, you realize you have hidden behind emotions that
you never even knew you had - anger, anxiety, etc. - and that you have to learn to deal with all
these new emotions that cigarettes used to take care of for you. He had told me
this before and I thought, "What a bunch of crap!" but now I am not
so sure.
I read a lot of
posts here, and I have yet to see anyone mention having any relationship
problems. Anybody out there experiencing anything like I am, or am I just
crazy? I haven't had a lot of problems with my quit. I really have been doing
quite well, but I have to admit I am having a hard time dealing with this and
have thought about smoking again, just to see if the same old things still get
to me so bad! Any input from anyone would sure be appreciated, or if you think
am crazy, just tell me that, too!
Posted by Michael on April 18 at 16:11:05
In reply to: Having a hard
time with “new” feelings Posted by Kate
on April 18 at 11:11:31
Hi Kate ,
I can't help you
with your marriage, but I can try to explain what I think is happening with you
in the emotions/feelings area. It is
true that smoking is an addiction, but we can’t just look at the addiction by
itself. We need to recognize how we use
the addiction to affect our daily lives.
The addiction to
cigarettes, at one of its many complex levels, is frequently used as a defense
mechanism - a temporary escape from a crisis situation. Now the crisis in
question does not have to be monumental by any means. It can range anywhere from needing a break
from doing a report to grieving over the loss of a loved one. My point is, Kate ,
that we use smoking to temporarily delay the inevitable. By reaching for a cigarette we give ourselves
a five-minute reprieve from whatever the crisis may be. The addict mind eventually teaches us to
think that the cigarette will solve
the problem, when in reality all it does is delay the problem. Once our mind thinks of the cigarette as a
problem solver, we then come to letting it solve
by repression. By physically
removing ourselves from the crisis at hand to go have a smoke, we give
ourselves the perfect opportunity to repress it.
In an argument,
a cooling off period can be very beneficial.
It gives us a chance to get rid of that In-Your-Face anger and come back
to discuss things rationally and calmly.
That’s not an easy thing to do, though.
Anger is something we humans love to harbor and hold on to. By using a smoke as a problem solver coupled
with the cooling off period, it’s easy to see how feelings and emotions
regarding crises can easily get repressed.
When we finally
quit smoking, the act of smoking as a defense or escape mechanism just isn't
valid any more. We may still go for the
cooling off period, but that period is no longer filled with the problem solver we were used to. Consequently our feelings and emotions are no
longer repressed. What we need to do at
that point is relearn how to respond to crisis.
Once we consciously teach ourselves new methods of stress/crisis
management, fighting the addiction becomes a productive endeavor that will
improve our level of personal wellness.
Quitting the act
of smoking is not only healthy for our bodies, Kate ;
it also helps our psyche to evolve so that we may truly live…
Peace!
Fight the good fight!
********
Seven Months and a short ramble...
Posted by Wayne 10:31:18
Seven months and you know
what I know?
You really want this
freedom.
You know it, I know it, and
sometimes
We lose sight of it in the
crisis-of-the-moment.
You chose to be here for a
sound reason,
But you’ve done so much of
it on faith
That occasionally you doubt
your resolve, or ability, or wisdom.
Don’t.
It will come to you.
It may not come like a bolt
of lightning.
It may come in the slow
realization of something already past:
That you can and have done
it.
Your world, with all its
bumps, just got better:
You hang on to that with all
you’ve got.
Still wishing you an easy
mind and a strong heart and everything you need,
********
Living to QUIT and FEAR of NEVER smoking again...
Posted by Rob on March 12 at 22:57:23
These were my
two biggest problems when I first quit.
All I did was talk about smoking/not smoking - wanting to smoke/not
wanting to smoke... "I can have one if I want, I'll just start
over." Everybody around me was
supportive, but after time they figured I'd quit. I mean one month is all a person needs, right? Well, they just got sick of hearing about it
and I felt guilty driving everybody crazy.
My saving grace was this bulletin board.
Nobody turned me away and everybody knows it takes a good bit of time
JUST to get secure with your quit. I
posted here like a maniac - fears of this, how do I handle that and on and on…
The support and response and insight I got here pulled me through the worst of
times. I couldn't stand the thought of
NEVER SMOKING AGAIN - there was no way I could succeed. When that thought came to mind, I'd panic,
get depressed, question the whole ordeal and wonder if I would be one of the
lucky ones who smoke right up to their death in their 90's. Well, at about one and a half months I
noticed I wasn't complaining as much and I was giving advice on quitting.
Then came the
time for the dreaded summer vacation... There are just too many smoking times
when you’re on vacation, like the beach, the bars, the restaurants, the drive
down and back and, of course, sitting on the balcony watching the sun rise and
set...*sigh*. I went on the family vacation
determined to make it and had a tremendous feeling of owing the people here a
success. I DID NOT SMOKE AT ALL... In
fact I noticed that I was now controlling the shots. I was secure in my quit and all I had to do
was keep an eye over my shoulder. It really
did get easier to push the urge out of mind.
As more time went by it got even easier and I DIDN’T EVEN CARE ABOUT
EVER SMOKING AGAIN... It was over!
Now, I still get
little urges and you hear stories about people who quit for this long and that
long and start again… Well, I can only tell you they have allowed themselves to
fall. I know more people who have quit
and stayed quit than not, so don't be discouraged. This is a life long
commitment, YES, but once you get control, it's not that bad. I might think.... A smoke would be nice right now????...Yeah, right - what's nice about
it? - and it's gone. I'm FINE! What I'm saying is that the weight you have
on your shoulders slowly drops off, where you can carry it in your hand and
when it acts up, you shove it in a pocket... THE END!
I smoked for 33
years. I QUIT - I KNOW 100% I WILL NOT
EVER SMOKE AGAIN - I HAVE NO DESIRE - IT'S DEAD - PERIOD! You'll get there and
believe me - you'll see what I mean - GO
HARD!
Sincerely, Rob
Now quit and happy for ten
months, two weeks, 3 hours, 24 minutes and 14 seconds. 11204 cigarettes not
smoked, saving $1,120.64.
Life saved: 5 weeks, 3 days,
21 hours, 40 minutes.
********
I’m curious about your “mindset” Michael
Posted by Steve on January 12
at 07:43:51
Dear Michael ,
Congrats on
making it to 16 months! I can’t wait
until I get there too. What does it feel
like to be that far along? I’ve heard
you mention that your mindset has changed.
I’m real curious about that and was wondering if you might share a
little about what you mean? Thanks! Gonna party at all today?
Posted by Michael on January 12 at 08:19:33
In reply to: I’m curious
about your “mindset” Michael
Posted Steve
on January 12 at 07:43:51
Hi Steve ,
Thanks for the
congrats, Steve . I appreciate that,
and yes, we are going to celebrate by going out to dinner. We do it every month, even if the family
doesn’t remember why…*Smile*.
Answering your
question about my mindset at 16 months is a bit tricky… I'm not so sure I
actually know... *Smile* Let me give it a try, though. Basically the
addiction isn't in my face any more, and the memories of kicking back with a good smoke come less and less. I'm
totally certain I'll never smoke again, but I still feel the need to remain on
top of the addiction. That's why I still hang around the Board and offer
my advice and experience, albeit selectively. I feel like I've taken a
small step outside the addiction circle, and find myself looking in as though
I'm not quite part of it any more. At times that scares me, because I
also know that the addict in me will never leave. I guess that's why I'm
still here…
At 16 months the
urgency of the quit is no longer a
factor. At this stage it's really a maintenance thing. I am able to
consciously examine the addiction and all the pieces of my life that have been
affected by it. More importantly, though, I am actually starting to enjoy
the new lifestyle I had to learn, one which does not revolve around that next smoke...
Hmmm… I guess
that should answer your question, Steve . Thanks for making me think about it!
Peace!
Fight the good fight!
********
Remembering
Posted by D.J. on August 2
at 19:53:22
What a wonderful
surprise from the day crew! I scrolled all the way down just to see all the
congratulatory messages for my 6 month anniversary - people I hardly ever get
to talk to - Trisha , Blanche , Lisa ,
Mick, Mark - you're great people, all
of you. And AnnaH, always, the right words to help me feel I make a
contribution here. Marianne ,
as always, a pleasure to share the second of every month with you as the weeks
roll by. You sound strong, carrying forth. It's unfair for me to whine about
people I miss reading around here (Charlene !
Vickie ! Lisa !),
when I haven't exactly been reliable myself, but you're one of the ones I miss
most, Marianne , the wit, the wisdom.
Newbies, it's an honor to be
here with you - Alan , Jim35, CJ, Stacey - what a massive week you have had to face,
breaking this addiction. It's you I'll end up addressing from these six months up
the road. Because, you see - I'm
starting to forget. I never would have believed this was possible from as
little as two months ago, but I am losing the sharpest memories of the pain of
my quit, and I pause for a moment to contemplate. Human forgetfulness performs
an invaluable function, they say, so that suffering - eventually - cannot be so
readily recalled, or we would stop loving for all the hurt that love can
deliver, and we would stop living because of every bad experience in life.
The two-sided sword of
forgetfulness also makes it necessary for us to erect a Holocaust Museum
The irony? Remembering our
forgetfulness. In this way, though I don't feel the precise pain of the loss of
each parent, I REMEMBER how bad it felt to lose them; I remember that smoking
killed them both; and I remember everything about living in a house full of
smoke AND love, so they don't get confused in my memories. And when I sit down
to write to any one of you about the shared experience of breaking this
addiction, I REMEMBER how bad it felt in cold-turkey Hell Week (and if you
concentrate/meditate long enough, it can get REAL CLOSE to the original pain
and anxiety, boy howdy, I'll tell you! Not completely gone yet, no sir!).
I bring it back as best I
can so that I can bring up the best words to let you know - I have been there;
no matter how BAD you feel now - believe it or not - YOU WILL FORGET the
intensity of this pain; you WILL survive. You will one day be writing and
thinking from my position - and then Pat's position, Mark's perspective - and
then Bob's and Sherry's and Rita's and Wayne's and Rob's, Michael's - out and
out, farther and farther away from where you are now, and then perhaps you -
like me - will hardly be able to believe that something that consumed so much
of you - something that was wound 'round every single fiber of being, thought
and impulse - something around which you arranged your life in reflex addiction
can possibly seem so distant and so unnecessary now.
As you "forget,"
so must you start the practice of remembering - a conscious practice so that
your clever little survivalist mind won't suddenly present you with a picture
of the perfectly smoked cigarette - the good times, the bonding and the buzz,
when you REMEMBER that maybe one-out-of-fifty cigarettes went down without
scorching you, putting your body in a defensive crouch against the smoke with
every deep drag - how well you REMEMBER your tight, tar-covered lungs desperate
to expand up a flight of stairs and hopelessly unable to. The "good"
times? The room full of smokers just like you, each lighting up defensively,
one right after the other, huddled together in minority smoking space and
unwelcome and uncomfortable anywhere else. How many bummed cigarettes do you
remember from "bonding" with fellow addicts? How good did it really
feel to fall asleep after a day of servicing your addiction, spiking your blood
pressure on a regular, relentless basis, staining with its odor your hair, your
clothes, your breath, your automobile, your spirit?
And then laying there at
night, trying to sleep, when up rises the real fear and extent of your
addiction - that you really HAVE to stop smoking - the real anxiety attack over
your health, the money spent, your LIFE and that of those you love. Those
moments that have driven you to contemplate quitting before - almost in a
panic. And you might for a while - and you do - but then you start forgetting
again everything that was so patently, unmitigatingly WRONG with smoking - you
start to forget how you'd have given most anything to be finally free . .
.
When you quit smoking -
finally, finally, by degrees - all of this pain and anxiety goes away. The
human miracle of forgetfulness! And that, then, is when we must begin the
conscious practice of remembering.
That's why I'm here. It
almost scares me that whole days go by without thinking about something I used
to have to think about CONSTANTLY. Smoking. Weeks have gone by, months - no
cravings, no thought of it. That's why I come here - to do the work of
remembering. It's just too strange to think that something I did for 26 years
compulsively is suddenly gone and forgotten - something that was in the house
of my life since birth, all through the rock-and-roll years, accompanying me
through the writing of each thesis and the celebration of same. Surely it can’t
be this EASY to let go!
As I feel the grip on the
BEST words - the most accurate ones - slip away with the months - (it's almost
sad! bittersweet . . .), as I try to help you, as any of us do, please remember
of all of us - we are not spouting platitudes at you that have no meaning to
your present pain and situation of depression and withdrawal. If one more
"It gets better" gets on your nerves, one more "Just don't
smoke," (in the end, you will understand that this is the sacred
everything!), or one more parade (of remembrance) doesn't connect with you - if
we can't locate the bull’s eye of your needs, forgive us, but mistake not our
kinship. I am you, six months down the road, forgetting the worst of it, and
remembering: this was the best, most meaningful thing I ever did in my whole
life. I can hardly wait for you to feel this peace, this forgetfulness. You are
here helping me with the work of remembrance. I hope to be here to help you
with yours.
Congratulations to all of us
- everyone one on the board at every stage of their quit - for doing the
greatest thing you could possibly do for yourself and your loved ones for every
minute, hour, month and day that you have stayed away from cigarettes. You are
ALL the most courageous and awesome people I've ever known.
And don't you forget it.
6M
Posted by Michael on August 2 at 20:47:53
In reply to:
Remembering Posted by D.J. on August 2 at 19:53:22
That perspective is so
important - thank you for reminding me! Lately it seems like all I have left in
me is telling folks how great my life is now… Even I find that it's played…
Remembering truly is the key… Sure my life and my body are great now - I ride
my bike 50-60 miles on a Sunday morning without giving it a second thought. Remembering
that most physical activity used to be almost impossible due to lack of oxygen
– well, let’s just say it's a bad memory. And though it may be bad, it's important,
just like your reference to the Holocaust
Museum
So newbies, I DO remember -
the cravings, the crying, the depression, the anger, the screaming, the doubt,
the temptations, and the whole realm of junkie thinking. I remember too the
slow but steady awakening of freedom, the journey of climbing one day at a time
to the place I am at now. I won't ever forget where I came from - Hell... If you're there now, then God Bless you, because
you're on the right track. LIVE the feelings you are experiencing now -
REMEMBER what you endured as a newbie! Put these memories at the forefront of
your mind so you'll never forget the pain. As time passes, you can weigh your
freedom against the painful memories - eventually, freedom will win every time!
Peace!
Michael
Fight
the good fight!
Posted by Michael on August 5 at 08:23:22
When
one door closes another door opens;
But
we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door,
That
we do not see the new worlds which open for us.
D.J.'s post the other day about remembering really opened my eyes - reminded me - about what it meant to be a smoker. I've been so happy lately that I've had a tendency to forget all the crap that went along with smoking. So these past few days I've been remembering what smoking used to be like - looking at it from the other side of the fence, because now I really hate smoking. I’ve been trying to think of something wise to share with you to get this across, but the one situation that keeps coming to mind is the "smoke in the eye" syndrome. Ever get that? Of course you have... J It would always happen at the most inopportune time, too - like while trying to impress a date with suave conversation - LOL - I can still remember it like it was yesterday.
I don't quite know where
this post is going, but I think the quote from Mr. Bell
Some people are thinking that
very same thing reading this post - and that's ok. Every recovering addict
thinks that way. And if I and the other Old Fogeys were some rehab counselors
with a lot of degrees and book knowledge who never smoked a day in our lives,
I'd totally agree. But you know what? You just can't blow off the experience of
a fellow addict - we know what you're living because we lived it, too. Wayne
"Live the pain? What
kind of advice is that?" you say. It's the truth is what it is. There is
no easy fix for this addiction. Anyone who tells you different is plainly a
liar. It's NOT easy - as a matter of fact it's the hardest thing you'll ever
do. Success comes at a snail's pace - sometimes the pace of a snail on crutches
- but as God is my witness it DOES come. It's all up to you, though - you alone
make the choice to NOT smoke. Everything in our lives CAN be handled without
the help of a cigarette. It's up to
us to choose to do so.
Every time you choose to
handle a situation without reaching for a smoke brings you one step closer to
freedom. Cry through the choice, scream through the choice if you have to, but
make the choice. Make it consciously every time you're in doubt. Make it a
verbal choice or even write it down - voicing your choice makes it more binding
- do it in front of a mirror if you have one.
Fight the demon on his own
terms - 90% of this addiction is a mind game. Use the power of your mind to
beat him on his own turf. The demon tries to take away your mind's abilities by
clouding it with junkie thinking. Reawaken your ability to choose - choose
freedom! :-)
Peace!
Michael
Fight
the good fight!
********
Luck, Hope & Maybe…
Posted by Michael on May 17 at
06:33:28
Good morning friends,
Some words have been popping up seemingly more
frequently this week, and I feel they warrant some attention. There are three little words that by
themselves don’t stand out much, but when used in conjunction with fighting
addiction can have a pretty strong influence on the addict mind. I always tell folks that the words luck, hope & maybe have no place in
a quit.
The word luck refers to a game of chance.
Fighting our addiction is anything but that. It takes knowledge, strength and
determination to beat the Nicodemon at his own game. Hoping
we'll make it this time leaves the door wide open for relapse. The beast needs
to face a confident opponent instead of someone who is doubtful of success. The tentative thought that maybe I can make it this time also leads
to the much stronger thought that maybe
I can't make it, which is detrimental to the addict mind.
Considering the fact that most of our addiction is a
mind game, it's imperative that we not undermine our success by using words
that can set us up for failure.
Peace!
Fight the good fight!
********
Life is Worth Living
I went to the woods because
I wished to live deliberately,
To front only the essential
facts of life,
And see if I could not learn
what it had to teach,
And not, when I came to die,
Discover that I have not
lived.
I did not wish to live what
was not life, living is so dear,
Nor did I wish to practice
resignation,
Unless it was quite necessary.
I wanted to live deep and
suck the marrow out of life...
