“What about it? What’s your problem, anyway? I didn’t tell you to quit!”
Sound
familiar? Those words or similar ones
are what many ex-smokers hear from friends and family early on in the quit, and
rightfully so, because early on, especially during physical withdrawal, our
behavior patterns quite often leave a lot to be desired. Over-reacting, snapping and screaming,
picking fights and sometimes even physical violence tend to surface in the
behavioral repertoire of the new quitter.
The calmest of human beings can easily develop a temporary Jekyll &
Hyde mentality when suddenly compelled to start a new life that no longer
includes the beloved cigarette.
Why is it, though, that we display feelings of anger
after getting rid of our nasty, filthy habit of smoking cigarettes? Shouldn’t we be celebrating the fact that we
have now improved our quality of life while increasing our life span as
well? Of course we should, but we don’t
because we are addicts. We are addicts
who love our addiction more than life itself.
Even though our better judgement compels us to finally fight and control
this addiction, we resent the fact that we can’t smoke any longer.
Early on in a quit this resentment often displays itself
as anger. We react very much like
toddlers who have their favorite toy or candy taken away. We get angry.
We basically throw tantrums, much to the dismay of our loved ones. If you can manage to take a step back and
look at your recent behavior as a new ex-smoker, you may even find some of it
to be downright comical. I remember well
the night I blew up at my family because even though dinner was one of my
favorite meals, it wasn’t what I wanted to be eating that particular night…
Anger is an emotion that is bound to be part of every
quit, although the intensity will be different for each individual depending on
personality. Changes in behavior need to
be watched and rising anger should be channeled toward the addiction instead of
being unleashed on friends and family.
Always remember that the battle is between you and the addiction, not
the world.
Fortunately for
everyone, the true anger stage doesn’t last all too long. Once physical withdrawal is conquered you
tend to settle down some, but then another set of feelings tends to emerge,
namely feelings of frustration. You will
most likely experience a period when many of your emotions or feelings about
your quit just don’t make any sense or don’t meet your expectations. Quite often ex-smokers don’t understand why
after two, three, four or even five months the love and desire for the act of
smoking hasn’t lessened. During this stage
the severe cravings have subsided, but the process of learning to live a new
life that excludes cigarettes can be rather frustrating at times. Getting through everyday activities like
driving a car without a cigarette can become a concentrated and laborious
effort. Not being able to handle the
simplest of tasks with the usual ease can be disconcerting to say the least.
It is during
this time that the support group can be extremely helpful. Sharing these frustrations with other group
members will show you that you are definitely not alone. Similarities with other ex-smokers may
surprise you, but that is exactly why the support group is such an effective
tool. Knowing that you are not alone
with your feelings can help you realize that this period of anger and
frustration is just another stage on your road to freedom.
Who the hell am I?
Posted by Mike on November 21
at 12:30:28
HELP! I don't know who I am any more! I've been quit just over a week and I don't
think I can take much more of this. I
think about smokes constantly and I'm grouchy and I basically hate my
life! This morning I couldn't even tie
my shoes… It’s like everything is turned upside down! I've always been a pretty mellow guy, but the
last few days have brought out the raving lunatic in me…
WHO THE HELL AM I?
Posted by Michael on November 21 at 16:44:38
In reply to: Who the hell am
I? Posted by Mike on November 21 at 12:30:28
Dear Mike ,
I'll get to
answering your question in a minute, but before I do that I want to tell you a
little about the new life you have started.
Up until now, smoking has been a major part of almost everything you do.
Driving, hanging out, walking, waiting, partying, drinking, breakfast, lunch,
dinner, waking up, catching a bus, subway or cab, watching TV... and on and on
and on and on... Until now smoking
permeated every facet of your everyday life. Taking that away not only causes
physical withdrawal, it also throws your body and your mind into a tailspin.
Your metabolism changes, you're maybe constipated for a few weeks... More
importantly, though, your brain has this big turmoil going on because
everything you do has some integral part missing from it.
Solution? You
must re-learn to do everything you used to do with a smoke. You have to force
yourself to learn to do daily activities in a new way that does not include
smoking. Sound simple? It is and it isn't. The premise is fine, but the
learning process must be conscious and deliberate. Take driving for example.
That was the big one for me. I'd always light up as soon as I got into the car,
so I had to find a different activity to fill the void left by quitting smoking.
Now, I check and adjust the mirrors. The way I learned was by consciously doing
something different at a time when I was used to lighting up. That's how you have to look at all of your
life, Mike , because your addiction was
a bigger part of it than you can imagine.
Now, to actually
answer you question, "Who the hell am I?" Well here's a list. I don't
know you and we've never met, but I can tell you exactly who you are:
You are an addict.
You are a person who now
chooses to not feed his addiction.
You are a guy who has
already conquered his addiction for more than a week.
You are me.
You are Blair ,
Ron , Sharon ,
Wayne , Moneca, Suzan and everyone else
here.
You are this support group.
Most importantly, Mike , you are an ex-smoker!
Now do me a favor and say
that with pride!
"I, MIKE , AM AN EX-SMOKER AND PROUD OF IT!"
Peace!
Fight the good fight!
********
This is the *&%^**^# PITS!
Posted by Eve on January 27 at
00:53:42
I feel so angry
right now! Here I am at 2W 4D 2h 1m and 23s, 325 cigs NOT smoked, and I find
myself once again at what feels like day one! I am not exactly sure what kept
me from buying a pack of cigs today other than my Higher Power and my knowing
that I really don't want to smoke. Yet there WAS this very strong voice telling
me I wanted to smoke and just forget it! It is easier to smoke.
WHERE DOES THIS
COME FROM? WHEN WILL IT STOP? AM I GOING TO MAKE IT? WHEN WILL I KNOW I MADE
IT? Ahhhhhhhh… I feel insane again and I am so tired of this rollercoaster
ride.
I guess just
venting helps. Also, today when I wanted to buy a pack so bad, I kept thinking
of this Board and all the support and wonderful people that make it what it is.
I didn't want to come here and tell you I caved to the #$^#&%#&7 Nicodemon.
I'm not sure, though, if I can keep from caving if this doesn't stop. I have
this thing - a knot I guess - in my stomach that feels like it won't go away
unless I smoke. Oh, that was the other thing that kept me from caving today -
our mantra SMOKING IS NOT AN OPTION! Then I thought of the #$(#&$3Q #??*#8
Fat Guys... I am so angry I could just spit. I hate this! I hate this! I hate
this! And did I mention that I #*$ #@($&& #*$##$$**&^%%*$*@@ HATE
THIS?
WHERE IS THAT PEACE?
INSANE EVE
Posted by Michael on January 27 at 05:38:17
In reply to: This is the
*&%^**^# PITS! Posted by Eve on
January 27 at 00:53:42
Hi Eve ,
Anger can be a
good emotion when you're fighting your addiction. Make sure you channel it
against the addiction though, and not against yourself or loved ones. You're
not alone with these feelings, Eve . It goes with the territory of a few weeks
quit. What's sinking in right now is that you really are changing your whole
life, and that can be overwhelming at times.
There's a song
by The Steve Miller Band, Jet Airliner,
that has the line: "You got to go through hell before you get to
heaven...” Keep in mind, Eve , that heaven, or freedom from smoking, is what
you will find at the end of this misery you're going through. Ride it out any way you can. Brighter days are just around the corner!
Peace!
Fight the good fight!
********
Bleeeaaaaaahhh
Posted by Simone on February
05 at 21:58:45
Fifth day:
WHINE WHINE WHINE---
Today:
-
I've had my schedule ripped apart & pieced back together.
-
My friend got mad at me for acting rudely... so she gave me hell.
-
I was forced to do some stuff at work today that I really wasn't in the
mood for.
-
I successfully insulted everyone without even trying.
-
Began to suspect that everyone was lying to me and talking behind my
back.
-
Found out that everyone was indeed talking behind my back, although the
rest of my conspiracy theory wasn't confirmed.
-
My mother paged me throughout the workday, but whenever I got to a
phone and tried to call her back, her line was tied up.
-
Finally got through with mother only to take half an hour out of my
workday to listen to her yell and cry about my brother's newly discovered meth
addiction.
-
Said goodbye to mother (who is leaving for the UK
-
Got nagged by my honey about something inconsequential - the nagging
served as proverbial last straw and I screamed and cried the whole way home.
Had a flippin’ CRUDDY day
today… And I want a cigarette. BAD.
Uuuuurrrrrrrmmmmf… Help me…
Please?
Posted by Lorielle on
February 05 at 22:07:36
In reply to: Bleeeaaaaaahhh
Posted by Simone on February 05 at 21:58:45
Hi Simone ,
No
you don't need a cig... You need a hug.
Hugs are much healthier, free, and feel good! Keep fighting Simone , it does get easier!
{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}
Posted by Joanne on February 05 at 22:24:31
In reply to: Bleeeaaaaaahhh
Posted by Simone on February 05 at 21:58:45
It’s the
nicotine - the lack of it... It plays mind tricks... It’s doing it to me, too...
I feel like the entire world is after me... Let’s show this demon that we are
more powerful... I feel so bad, too, but we can do it! We really can! Just hang on, ok?
Posted by Lisa W. 23:22:57
In reply to: Bleeeaaaaaahhh
Posted by Simone on February 05 at 21:58:45
Screaming,
whining, eating chocolate, dancing and singing to music, and receiving hugs are
nicotine free – I highly recommend you choose one of these options. If you got
through a horrid day like that without picking up, the Nicodemon doesn't stand
a chance with you. Congrats!
Posted by Hez on February 05
at 22:06:24
In reply to: Bleeeaaaaaahhh
Posted by Simone on February 05 at 21:58:45
…And while all
this goes down, you need to stop for a minute and say to yourself... DAMN I'M
GOOD! Honey, be proud that you didn't
smoke... And you are NOT going to, either! Life is still going to dish out the
highs and lows, cigarette or not. You
can be glad you got rid of that problem…
To Lorielle, Hez, Joanne ... and everyone... some thoughts
Posted by Simone on February 05 at 23:43:09
Thanks Joanne , Lorielle, Hez... You guys are the greatest...
Thanks for responding so quickly to my whiny-ass post... Big
((((((((hugs)))))))) all around. I'm
sorry you feel so crappy, too, Joanne ...
We all have to stick together, huh? I'm SO glad I have all of you, and this
Board...
It's been a
really rough day. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired... I've swung from
angry, irritable, depressed, irrational, tearful and mean to apologetic, energetic,
friendly, compassionate, patient and understanding. I mean, we women have all had moodswings
before, am I right? WE DON'T NEED EXTRA! ...LOL... I'm just trying to stay
focused on The Cause - remembering that I'm miserable for a damn good reason....
Bleeeaaaaah.
It occurred to
me that smoking is different from other addictions. With alcohol and drugs, the
addict typically hits bottom before
realizing it's time to quit. Now, of course, some smokers are faced with the
harsh reality of illness or disease and are warned by their doctors that not
quitting will result in awful, awful things... But for the most part it seems
we quitting smokers have to just pick a day out of the year and stop a beloved
habit that has not presented any immediate risk. How brave we are! Don't you
agree?
Not that I'm not
scared out of my wits and feeling crappy or anything… Okay, that's me for
now... I'll be back again soon... Hang in there, everyone.
xxoo
********
When does the ride stop?
Posted by Eve on January 18 at
20:16:09
Hi Everyone,
Still sane
today, but I'd like to know when the ride stops... I had a few cravings today, but not too bad.
I feel like I need to buckle up and put on a helmet now, though, because
usually two good days have led straight to a day of havoc. Maybe it won't this
time, BUT I want to be prepared just the same. How do I prepare? Is that even
possible?
My friend at
work had her one year anniversary in December and she told me she still craves
now and then but it doesn't last long. I guess I wanted some magic here and
wanted to hear that after a certain point, there would be no more cravings or
insane days.
I'm still
feeling angry at times, too. Even if I’m
not craving, my patience level has hit bottom and I usually have LOTS of
patience. I look forward to that
returning. I am getting used to feeling angry. That is something I did not
allow before and I'm getting better with it.
I don't know if
anything I have typed thus far has made one ounce of sense. I reckon I'm just
rambling and I reckon I have the need. I am usually a quiet person but have
noticed I am talking more and sometimes I'm YELLING... Wild... I am grateful
for another relatively calm day and again I am cherishing it. That is all I
know to do with it right now. Just cherish the sane, calm moments and talk
about it. Thanks for listening. Please… Someone tell me that I will not crave
forever. Even if it isn't true, just let me hear it anyway. PLEASE! Just a TAD
desperate, eh? :-)
Having a peaceful evening
and cherishing it,
Posted by Michael on January 18 at 20:26:00
In reply to: When does the
ride stop? Posted by Eve on January 18
at 20:16:09
Hi Eve ,
The ride never
stops, but it does get smoother... My philosophy is that we will never stop
being addicts. I've developed that train of thought because once I quit for
seven months and then picked up for absolutely no good reason. That's why I'm
still here after 16 months, staying on top of my addiction, refusing to feed
it. I can tell you this though; my ride
is wonderfully smooth now. I've even been able to get in touch with a lot of
feelings that were previously repressed. Quitting is a good thing, as you well
know. Many of the physical benefits are apparent almost immediately. The
psychological benefits will come with time, all on their own, and before you
know it, your ride will smooth out as well.
Peace!
Fight the good fight!
Follow-up
Posted by Eve on January 18 at 21:39:43
You are so kind
and gentle. Thank you. I guess I am just now facing the fact that I am an
addict. I hesitate to say that because of my family history. I always
considered them the addicts - addicted to drugs and alcohol. I was not one of
them. I only smoked cigarettes. And then when I REALLY thought about it, I
knew it was the same thing, just in a different form. So I am learning to hear
and accept that I am an addict. Yikes, that hurts! I am also just coming to
terms with repressed feelings. I am learning to allow myself to feel and to
cry. This is quite a process, eh? Thanks
for letting me know that the ride will get smoother. That helps.
Peace to you, Michael ,
********
Having some problems at 1month, 2weeks, 4days...
Posted by BJ on April 25 at 14:46:10
Hi, I have been
off the Board awhile, but I need some help today. I am struggling and don't
know what to do anymore. I recently took off the patch. I think the ups and
downs with that made my cravings worse when the effectiveness of it wore off.
So I am on my own now. My stinkin’ thinkin’ keeps telling me to
smoke, and then I get real tired and worn down from the cravings. It’s like I am getting no relief from the
cravings, even after all this time. What
is the matter with me? Am I the only person out there that has had this
difficult of a time quitting? My husband thinks if you make it three days it’s
all over. A person shouldn't be having
problems with it - of course he has never smoked. Any advice is more then
welcome.
BJ
Posted by JW on April 25 at 16:50:15
In reply to: Having some
problems at 1month, 2weeks, 4days... Posted by BJ on April 25 at 14:46:10
All I can say
about quitting smoking is that it is first and foremost NOT EASY. Three days
without smoking is THE EASY PART! It is the 30th day and 50th and so on that is
so difficult! I think it is because the craving is still there! At the
beginning, craving is expected... After a while it comes as a SURPRISE and
seems more intense. And you begin to ask yourself, "What is the matter
with me?" Well, I am pretty sure the problem is that you are an addict!
All of us addicts feel JUST like that, so don't think for one minute that you
are alone!
The question
then becomes: How am I going to handle this fact that I CRAVE cigarettes? This
is not just a mere attraction to smoking - it is a strong DESIRE. One way to
get rid of the craving is to smoke a cigarette (and many, many, many, many more
after that)! You obviously don't really want to do that, or you wouldn't be
posting on this Board.
The other way is
to face and accept the fact that you want a cigarette, thereby accepting the uncomfortable
feelings that go with it, and then not smoking! Look at the craving for what it
is, a desire, not a need. I say it like this - I WON'T die because I don't
smoke today, I MIGHT die if I do.
Then I use my willpower stuff. These are the things that give ME resolve to resist that
cigarette:
My top ten list for
quitting. (If you don't have one, make one right now! If you do have one, get
it out and read it!)
My walking fast.
My deep breathing.
My cinnamon sticks to chew
on.
My kids (grown now, but oh
so helpful).
My reading.
My work.
The SERENITY PRAYER.
Laughter.
Is this easy
then? Absolutely not. The patch has NEVER cured anyone! You do that yourself by
learning how to apply a new response to your craving, instead of lighting up!
Use laughter as often as you can to resist the craving.
I am happy to
tell you that this is a life long journey you are on, where you are being given
the opportunity to learn about yourself and to find JOY .
Seize it! Go to the Nicotine Anonymous web site and other quitting sites and
LEARN. Try the techniques. Find the ones you like and use them. Develop new
reasons, logic, and systems to control the response to the smoking urge! Then
share them with other people! It is FUN. It is LIFE! I'm choosing life instead
of smoking!
Smile. It makes it MUCH
easier.
JW
********
Another close call... dreams... pissy & mean
Posted by Simone on March 22
at 21:55:21
I'm acting
really pissy and self-centered right now. I just had a really big, hairy cow
because my man forgot to let me sign his father's birthday card. HELLO... Gimme
a break, Simone , you're going to drive
that nice man away.
I dreamt again
last night about smoking - that I snuck a cigarette. This morning I woke up mad
as hell at my innocent little self for smoking. I was beating myself up for it
all morning until I realized it was a dream. Those dreams frighten me. They
sure do. They make me quake in my sneakers. I was feeling shitty about myself,
thinking I was a smoker again, and I walked right up to a smoking friend of
mine today as she stood there huffing huge clouds of pungent smoke, inhaled
deeply, and was this close to bumming a cigarette off her. (How’s that for a
run-on sentence?) She and I used to be Camel Light buddies, after all... We
used to go out there with our yellowish teeth and our crusty lungs and smoke
and smoke and smoke whenever we could. Yuck! Why can't I shake this gross,
hateful feeling? Bleah. I feel like I've been smoking again.
And I came
really close again last night. After a whole afternoon of drifting in and out
of this Board, posting like a freak, I got into a huge argument with my man
because he'd stood me up. He had made ME swear that we were going to go out for
the afternoon and hike, and then go get coffee together and hang out, but then
he went to his friend's house to jam for an hour but didn't come back for three
hours, by which time it was nearly six and the sun was going down... GRR!
So we're
yelling, and I decide that I've got to do SOMETHING with this energy besides
trying to beat him up or burn the house down (heh heh), so I go and take a
walk... And then I realize I'm going to the corner store to buy a pack of
cigarettes. So I thought about it for a minute… And I REALLY got into thinking
about it. I thought about how I would walk in, hold out my ID and my money, and
quickly get that smooth, comforting pack in my hand... I mentally ran through
the ritual of opening it, taking one out, lighting it... And I thought to
myself, sure, what the hell… I deserve it… I'm pissed off and hurt. But then I just kind of changed my mind.
Anyway, I've had
another really rough day at work, I've noticed a new rattle in my car, and I've
been embarrassed by a co-worker for an innuendo I didn't intend. I've dealt with my family's drama once again,
and now I'm fighting with my honey about a stupid goddamn birthday card - as if
there aren't larger things in life. I'm not smoking. I'm whining endlessly
instead. Poor freaking me…
Love to all,
Posted by Lisa W. 22:20:33 :
In reply to: Another close
call... dreams... pissy & mean Posted by Simone
on March 22 at 21:55:21 :
Count to ten,
and quietly, slowly, calmly go over to that CD player of yours and choose a
nice, calming selection.
I know reality
is tough sometimes - but in your case, it's far better than the fantasy - so
COME BACK TO US, SIMONE . A great, happy, successful, non-smoking life
is waiting for you and the rest of your personalities - hehehe. Just pinch
yourself and make those horrid nightmares disappear. I checked your closet and
under your bed - the monster has gone away. I think he went over to the
Nicodemon's house to play - so YOU'RE SAFE AND SOUND, Simone .
Hugs,
Posted by Eileen on March 22 at 23:24:03
In reply to: Another close
call... dreams... pissy & mean Posted by Simone
on March 22 at 21:55:21
Sorry to hear
that you've had such a miserable day! I’ve always found negative affect to be
the most difficult thing to make it through without a cigarette - like a
cigarette can really change negative emotions to positive ones. Hahaha. But we
imbue a cigarette with so much power, just as smokers do - power to soothe,
power to calm (hey - isn't that a commercial?). Seriously though, you are
learning how to cope with really difficult situations without resorting to a drug
and an artificial sense of control. Great stats, Simone ,
hang in there, the day is almost over.
********
Smoking is a crisis in and of itself, not a
remedy for one.
