There are a myriad of
excuses the addict will use in order to justify picking up or having just one. Anything from a sudden crisis that is
extremely stressful to the misguided belief that we need to prove something to
ourselves can cause us to light up. The
end result in either case is that one or more realistically unwanted cigarettes
are smoked. Wanting a cigarette while
learning to become an ex-smoker is a dilemma we face each and every day. Often the perceived need becomes so strong
that we “just can’t take it any more.”
We know that feelings of guilt and failure are at the other end of that
cigarette before we even light it, so why then do we do it?
Let’s say your doctor diagnoses you with a severe allergy
to strawberries. If you eat them you
will break out in hives, your throat will close and you will run the risk of
suffocating. Immediately you give up
strawberries, never to have one again, right?
That same doctor diagnoses you with budding emphysema brought on by
smoking and advises you to stop immediately to try and keep the disease in
check. Fearing for your life, you throw
the pack you're carrying in the nearest trashcan and vow to never smoke
again. Several weeks or even days later
you light up even though you know it will advance a disease that is killing
you.
What is it about the addict and his drug that causes him
to go against his better judgement and knowledge? Setting aside the chemical dependency, it is,
simply put, love. It is an unconditional
love that we have for the act of smoking.
Every action and tool involved in smoking is precious to us. We all have our favorite lighter or
ashtray. We all adore the way the smoke
trails off the end of the cigarette, and we all enjoy simply playing with a
cigarette in our hand. It is a love that
we nurture over decades to a level where we are ready and willing to die for
it.
Now, all of a
sudden, as an ex-smoker, you’re supposed to forget all that. From one day to the next all these beloved
things and activities are no longer part of your life. Have you ever had your heart broken by
someone you loved? This scenario of
quitting smoking is very similar in scope to having your heart ripped out by a
person you're in love with. You know
realistically that the relationship is over, but yet you hang on. Letting go is one of the hardest things to
do. There is one difference,
though. We have control over our
relationship with smoking. It is our
choice whether or not the love is rekindled or allowed to die.
As addicts, we
sometimes succumb to the temptation of bringing back the old times, and after
rationalizing this unwanted act, we slip. Most ex-smokers who slip go through feelings
of guilt and a strong sense of failure.
These feelings can be alleviated though if the slip is used as a
learning tool. You know the old saying,
“You make a mistake, you learn from it and you move on.” So it is with a slip. If you can take a step back and analyze
exactly what caused it, you’ll know better how to handle similar situations in
the future.
The group is a
great source of comfort and support for someone who slips. Most everyone there has experienced the same
thing at one time or another. It is this
sharing of experience that encourages learning rather than feelings of failure.
I slipped last night
Posted by Annie on September
30 at 06:02:42
Last night I had
a cig. After waiting three hours to register for one class, and not knowing if
that class was even available until the three hours were almost up, I stressed,
paid an outrageous sum for a pack of Marlboros, smoked one and threw the rest
out the window. Now, that doesn't even make sense to me, but I guess nothing
does right now.
The cig was
great, but I guess throwing the rest out did show me that my resolve is
stronger than I thought. I never would
have believed I'd pay over $3.00 for a pack and not finish it off. But I did and this morning I am sitting here
without smokes and feeling better about it.
I'm crabby during the day, I wake up two hours before I need to every
morning since I started this, I eat anything that doesn't eat me first, and I
got weepy at a safety meeting yesterday.
Last night
scared me because I don't want to be able to have just one and throw the pack
away. I don't think that will hold water
for very long. So, I basically start
day three with one slip in. I think I'll
just try to get through today and let tomorrow worry about itself. I can leave anything alone for one day.
Posted by Michael on September 30 at 17:33:19
In reply to: I slipped last
night Posted by Annie on September 30
at 06:02:42
Dear Annie ,
I've been where
you're at. Trust me, for the addict there's no such thing as just one. Sure,
there are some people who can have a smoke a week or maybe one every few
months. Those folks are referred to as chippers and they are able to go their
entire life without ever becoming addicted to cigarettes. That's not us, though.
That just one that you had yesterday seems
like it was part of a horrible scenario right now, but if you're not careful,
your mind will soon think of it differently. You need to drum home that for us
addicts wanting just one actually
means wanting them all... 20, 30, and 40 per day. Just
one is just not an option Annie !
Peace!
Fight the good fight!
********
Looking for some help...
Posted by Eve on May 22 at 05:29:58
I have been
lurking recently rather than posting for obvious reasons - hmmm - and now I am
in trouble and need help so I'm just going to post and hope for the best.
I am really
going through some junkie thinking and for brief periods of time I am thinking
of buying stinkin' cigarettes again. I know I don't want them but some stinkin'
part of me thinks I want them... I
had company last weekend and I had that feeling that I was going to smoke. I
knew that if I came in my room and got on here that I wouldn't smoke... Well, I
chose not to come here and I smoked a stinkin' cigarette. It was not pleasant.
I smoked another the next day. It was still not pleasant. Why did I do it? I
could probably come up with many excuses...
My hubby, who
quit before I did, is smoking again. I saw menthols in his Bronco and that is
when I knew I was going to cave... I haven't had a menthol since I quit on Jan
8th - then blah, blah, blah. I don't think it matters what the
reasons were because it all comes down to ME and the CHOICE I made. I DO NOT WANT TO SMOKE! I DO NOT WANT TO
BEGIN AGAIN!
I cannot even
imagine going through this whole process again. I am very angry that I am this
far along and still find myself struggling. I feel shy about posting because I
don't want to scare anyone who is just beginning this journey, but I still NEED
some help. Is there anyone out there who is this far along and still struggling?
Most of the time I am doing pretty well and I am not anywhere near where I was
when I first quit - I mean with cravings and such. It just pops up once in
awhile and when it does I feel like I could just go right back to smoking - my
deepest desire, though, is to maintain this quit and stay quit forever.
Well, there is a
ramble and a half, eh? I really do need some help here. I will be with the same
people again this weekend - tomorrow in fact - the same folks that I smoked
with last Sunday. I do not want to smoke!
Well here are my
latest stats, these stats reflect my slips and I wish I never had any slips to
reflect: 4M 1W 6D 7h 4m, 2390 cigs NOT smoked, Saved $267.49, Life Saved 1W 1D
7h and 5m
Thanks in advance,
Peace to all of you,
Posted by Eileen on May 22 at 07:09:22
In reply to: Looking for
some help... Posted by Eve on May 22
at 05:29:58
Hi Eve ,
Well, I would
have been almost as far along as you - if my junkie thinking hadn't gone from a
couple of random thoughts (slips) to a full-blown obsessive pass-time
(relapse). If this were an easy
addiction to break, we wouldn't be here.
What is
important now is to recognize what is triggering the slips, accept that it has
happened, and MOVE ON! Recommit yourself to the reasons you have CHOSEN to
become an ex-smoker. Get your needs (for comfort, belonging, and relaxation?)
met in different ways - consciously figure out what the needs are and take care
of them/you.
I hope this helps... I
appreciate all the times you've been there for me...
Hugs,
Posted by Joyce on May 22 at 07:20:22
In reply to: Looking for
some help... Posted by Eve on May 22
at 05:29:58
BIG HUGS coming
your way Sweetie... I truly hate this addiction, Eve .
Unfortunately, we will always have it - it will never go away - we just have to
learn how to control it and not keep letting it control us... Eve, I definitely
have quit a few times over the last 25 years that I smoked, so I know a lot of
triggers that have stopped me from succeeding before. Some of those of those triggers are:
Getting it stuck in my head that I had to have
just one. Well, I had just one 25 to 30 times a day for the
last 25 years and not one of them helped me. I may have thought they did,
because it certainly made my mind and body stop yearning for just one, but after blowing it like that
and being stuck back in the middle of my addiction again, I knew when I started
this quit that just one was just not
an option because my addiction always
tells me to have just one more and the vicious cycle starts again.
Another trigger
for me was that I envied other people who were still smoking - not this time,
though. I now realize that my friends
and co-workers are still deep in the cycle of their addiction and that 90% of
smokers wish that they could quit...
If I were to
cave in and start my addiction rolling again, I would start feeling the ill
effects of smoking again in no time. I
know I would have to quit all over again and go through the hell of those first
few weeks and those terrible crazies, so I just can't cave in because
consciously enduring that hell would be more insane than the addiction itself.
When I quit, I
accepted that I would often wish I could just sit down and smoke one. I accepted that because I am a nicotine
addict, and because I accepted it, the wish is not so traumatic when it happens
now. Even right this minute, as the
thought flashes through my head to have one, I just tell myself to move on
because SMOKING IS NO LONGER AN OPTION!
I also know now
that smoking a sickarette will not stop the cravings, it will only create more,
and I really appreciate living my life now - breathing deeper, smelling good
and not worrying about a possible future with an oxygen tank... I don't know if
this makes sense, I don't want to offend anyone when I say this, but, cancer
most likely would have taken me much faster than emphysema. That is the real fear to me - walking around
with an oxygen tank in order to just move.
I can't bear to face something like that. A friend at work retired, looking forward to
the peace and quiet of retirement, and within six months she had an oxygen tank
with her saying she had thought she couldn't have any fun in life without her
sickarettes and how wrong she had been, and now she must struggle during the
time she worked so hard for to enjoy... So I tell myself that I want quality of
life in the future - I must make up my mind now that that is what I will strive
for. No, I don't know if I will make it
that far down the road, but the Lord willing, I will have done what I need to
do to ensure I will be able to enjoy it if I do....
So, my dear Eve , it does come down to what you really want out of
life. I know I didn't worry about it
when I was 25, but I didn't worry about my retirement back then, either. Now I find that I need to seriously look at
what I want to happen in my life, how much I want to enjoy it, and still be
healthy and able to enjoy it...
I don't know if
this ramble will help at all, Eve . My point is you have to accept that you are a
nicotine addict and will most likely always desire to sit down with a smoke,
but is that smoke worth your addiction once more having control over your
life? I hope you can find the strength
to stay on this journey with us, because you certainly are worth the fight. I also accepted with this quit, Eve , that I would always have to be on guard. It never stops - it just gets easier to move
on. I wish you would come back and spend
time with us again. We all want the same
thing - freedom from nicotine - and we all can fight this together! Never forget, Eve ,
YOU ARE LOVED and WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}
Love you,
Four months, two weeks, six
days, 11 hours, 20 minutes and 45 seconds. 3511 cigarettes not smoked, saving
$416.03. Life saved: 1 week, 5 days, 4 hours, 35 minutes.
*******
Bombed big time
Posted by Renee on February 21
at 20:28:03
Well folks,
tomorrow I start all over again. I have
been smoking the better part of this past week after a three-week quit. I'm back on all my inhalers and antibiotics. It's good to know that there are others out
there like me. I had given up on
quitting because I just wasn't feeling much better. I guess I have to quit for a long time to
feel better, huh? It's cold turkey time
again for me, so I hope you all will welcome me back...
Welcome back...
Posted by Mark on February 21 at 20:34:42
In reply to: Bombed big time
Posted by Renee on February 21 at 20:28:03
Well, as they
say, get up, dust yourself off and start over. As long as you keep starting
over, it will soon catch. I’ve heard that the average is seven tries. Hopefully you learned from your slip, and you
can avoid that pitfall next time. Keep
coming back and take care.
Of COURSE we welcome you
back...
Posted by Simone on February 21 at 20:39:26
In reply to: Bombed big time
Posted by Renee on February 21 at 20:28:03
I'm sorry you bombed out this week, but I'm thrilled that you've come back. And I'm proud that you didn't just settle
back into smoking - it must be really hard to muster up that strength to start
over, and I admire you for it. Right on!
Good luck, and welcome back!
Posted by Tommyboy on
February 21 at 20:55:25
In reply to: Bombed big time
posted by Renee on February 21 at 20:28:03
Hello Renee ,
As far as
bombing, why not think of this lapse as being part of the learning process? I
cannot think of one ex-smoker who successfully quit during the first or even
second attempt. The cold-turkey thing makes me shudder, as I have or am
presently using every resource available (except acupuncture...hmmm). My brother successfully went cold-turkey after
a 39 1/2 year addiction, and both my sons have been quit over seven years after
ten-year addictions, both having done it cold-turkey as well.
Hang tough no
matter the route you take as none is easy, but the consequences of not doing
this thing are a heck of a lot worse!
Live on this Board, lean on these people, and trust in GOD and YOURSELF
that YOU CAN AND WILL DO THIS, AND BREAK FREE FROM THIS TERRIBLE SCOURGE!
You will feel better in a
much shorter time than you can imagine.
Two months, three weeks, one
day, 2 hours, 9 minutes and 55 seconds. 2492 cigarettes not smoked, saving
$373.90. Life saved: 1 week, 1 day, 15 hours, 40 minutes and nothing is going
to sway me from this path I have chosen!
Posted by JW on February 21
at 21:09:23
In reply to: Bombed big time
Posted by Renee on February 21 at 20:28:03
Welcome back.
Ask yourself why
you are quitting and ANSWER yourself honestly! If it is to feel better, those
changes may be so minute that you don't even notice them - kind of like going
deaf from years of exposure to loud noises... Gradual changes aren't noticed
easily. The improvements my body has experienced are small steps, barely
perceptible (to tell you the truth, I think most people exaggerate how much
better they feel because it gives them resolve, so they lie to themselves. It
works for them!). So that may not be enough of a reason for you to quit, but it
is a starting point! And your health does improve over several years! Just
don't get disappointed if you don’t notice those wonderful smells and tastes... it isn't the only reason to quit.
How about
reasons like not having to go outside immediately after a movie to smoke, in
the dark and cold? Or having to wait through a three hour graduation, craving a
smoke the entire time? Or having to feel like a second class citizen in the
parking lot of the grocery store as you hurriedly finish your cigarette?
Or how about the
empowerment you grant yourself when you know you have gained a measure of
control over this addiction? Or how GREAT you feel when your beloved family
members say how wonderful it is that you have quit smoking?
Cold Turkey? Go
for it! But if you need help, and the doc says ok, use what help you need to at
the beginning. It helps to break the habit of reaching for a cigarette at
first. It makes for just one less thing to worry about. The gum or patch or
whatever - don't feel bad ONE BIT if you have to try a few more times! It is
NOT TRUE that just because some person who smoked for 40 or 50 years quit, that
anyone can... It IS TRUE that anyone who has enough reasons, and learns enough
resolve (willpower), will succeed, and those who don't will have to try again!
Quitting smoking
is a part of your journey in life! It is not happiness by itself - for us
addicts it is a piece of the puzzle that brings each of us JOY in our lives. This IS a life long process. Here’s
a quick metaphor to explain: When I was 20, I said when I get married I will be
happy. When I got married, I said when I
have children I will be happy. When I
had children I said when the children are bigger I will be happy. When the children were teens I said when they
graduate I will be happy. When they
graduated I said when I have grandchildren I will be happy. When I had grandchildren, I realized that I
WAS happy, all this time, and my life was filled with happiness. LIFE WAS A
JOURNEY OF HAPPINESS. And when it is added up, it is JOY .
I truly believe
that JOY is what we are all searching
for. For me, tobacco no longer adds to that joy, it takes from it. It takes my breath, it takes my sense of
smell, it takes my self-respect, and it takes my LIFE… That, my dear, is
resolve!
Smile. It makes it MUCH
easier!
And good luck to you!
JW
********
I have to make a confession.
Posted by Heather
Dawn 15:07:17
Hi Friends,
I hope you are
all feeling well today. I have a little
problem... I didn't want to post this on the Board because there are so many
newbies. I didn't want to discourage them.
One day I'm saying, “Oh yeah, it gets better “ and then I go through
three hellish days wanting nothing more than to grab a pack - and all this with
more than two months behind me. Like I said I feel bad about posting this but I
needed to tell someone and I also need support because I'm really struggling.
Well, last night
I was sitting at the computer and I'm not sure why but I snapped. My cravings certainly were nowhere near what
I went through successfully at three weeks. Last night though, it was
like I just got out and out defiant. It
happened quickly. One moment I was
sitting calmly at the computer the next moment an "I want a cigarette!”
thought just appeared out of nowhere.
Then I thought about all the things I could do to combat that thought,
pray, go for a walk, even stick my head outside and breathe deeply. No way - not last night - I rejected every
one of them categorically. I was really
mad and I just said to myself, “This is absolutely ridiculous! I'm having one!”
I went out and lit one. I wanted it to taste awful and hurt, so I purposely
inhaled really hard. It didn't hurt at
all. It tasted wonderful. I still
continued to smoke really fast hoping to get disgusted. That cigarette had a heater on it almost as
long as the cigarette itself and… I enjoyed every moment of it. The only
effect was a couple seconds of lightheadedness.
What’s worse is
I didn't even feel guilty. My attitude
was and still is that I wanted it and I chose to have it. I'm a little
concerned that I may do it again though. I chose to do this, but if I
choose to do it again my quit will be lost in no time - of that I'm
certain. So I finished the cigarette and vowed that in order to keep my
quit I have to promise myself I won't have another one for at least two months.
(I'm hoping by then I won't want one.)
This did not
upset me like my unconscious slip did. (During an extremely stressful day two weeks earlier Heather Dawn
I considered not
saying anything at all, but my conscience will not allow that. I'd feel like a
fraud. So I'm telling you because I’m hoping that those more secure in their
quit will be able to steer me down the right path. I'm curious why I can get through the mental
and physical horrendous cravings but not the mild sense of deprivation I
continually feel now. I think it has
something to do with the fact that you have to do battle for so long you just
plain and simply grow weary of the battle.
Please help if you can…
Two months, four days, 15
hours, 8 minutes and 57 seconds. 1590 cigarettes not smoked, saving $318.15.
Life saved: 5 days, 12 hours, 30 minutes.
My Dear Little HD....
Posted by Joyce on March 05 at 15:33:57
In reply to: I have to make
a confession. Posted by Heather
Dawn 15:07:17
I know from past
experience that a thought can get stuck in your head that you really need that cig and that life will never be right without it and you
just won't be happy unless you smoke it.
It is extremely hard to get that thought out of your brain without
following through with it. Your addiction told you, "Oh, what the heck - I
want it and I'm gonna smoke it!"
I’ve been there
before Heather
Dawn Heather Dawn
Please don't be
so hard on yourself, because this addiction will try to work its way back into
your life anyway it can - this addiction is so powerful. I'm sending prayers
and hugs your way to give you strength in making the right decision at this
time in your life...
This damned
addiction will always be calling my name... I am just feeling stronger at the
moment to fight it. We're here for you
anytime, and we love you dearly!
{{{{{{HUGS TO YOU MY
FRIEND}}}}}}}}
Love ya,
Posted by Michael on March 05 at 16:21:39
In reply to: I have to make
a confession. Posted by Heather
Dawn 15:07:17
Hi Heather Dawn
Ok… What is it
that YOU want to hear? I'm not exactly sure what you're expecting,
but I have to tell you that I don't think you're quite getting the whole
spectrum of our addiction. Now first let me say that what I'm going to
write to you comes from my heart, because I love you for what you are, a warm,
funny, kind person who happens to be an addict.
Let's start
right there... You, Heather
Dawn Heather
Dawn
Wait - the
flip-side - we give in to the addiction - we get sick - we die prematurely,
painfully, and in agonizingly slow fashion - THAT is something I don't
want. That is something I don't want so bad that I'm willing to do
whatever it takes to control my addictive personality. I have taken
responsibility for my addiction, and I have chosen to NOT feed it. Yup,
I've had some close calls, but I have chosen to NOT feed my addiction, no
matter how painful that may be.
God… Grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage To change the things I can, and
Wisdom To know the difference.
Heather, you
know I don't pussyfoot around, I tell it like I see it, and right now I see you
heading down a bad path. That you enjoyed that smoke is understandable,
but I think you have to distinguish between the joy and the pain. You
can’t have one without the other when it comes to addiction. Joy
and pain walk hand in hand for the addict.
You're still
VERY EARLY in your quit. Ride it out, relearn daily activities to NOT
include the feeding of addictions. It DOES get easier, but it takes a lot
of time, energy and hard work. As a
matter of fact, it is the hardest thing you'll EVER do in your life, but it is
SO worth it.
I love you Heather Dawn
Peace!
Fight the good fight!
Since ya did...
Posted by Wayne 16:45:10
In reply to: I have to make
a confession. Posted by Heather
Dawn 15:07:17
I think we each
have to do this our own way and cannot know what that is ahead of time. For
some it's getting through some circumstance without reaching for a cig, for
others it may be disgust with people who are close that still use, or it might
be dealing with someone close that has a dreaded disease. Let this be a
learning experience and steel your resolve. For me even those feelings (of
wanting one) helped, because the experience made me angry that the drug had
re-wired my brain to that extent, and I wasn't going to let it win.
The other part
you know. It doesn't change you in our
eyes, we care for you as before. We want your success, and as much as we love
to share in it, we don't want it for us… We want it for you.
Wishing you a calm spirit,
- 7m 4d
My dear friend…
Posted by Mark on March 05 at 16:59:50
In reply to: I have to make
a confession. Posted by Heather
Dawn 15:07:17
Let me repeat
that… My dear friend... We are all in this together, and we are here to support
each other. I know that in my three weeks I have read a hundred of your posts
(if not more), many inspirational, some funny and some... well just some
others. They have all helped me in my quit.
Believe it or
not, your slip helps me maintain my quit - therefore I want and even need to
know about it. When you or someone else has slipped, and you raise it on this
Board, you have just helped me again to maintain my quit, and perhaps those of
others. You see, it reminds me of how close I am to smoking, reminds me to keep
my guard up, and points out triggers I need to watch for. Thanks.
Let me just
reiterate something my dear friend.
Well, so you had a smoke - big deal - maybe just testing. I've said this before, but it really is my
best example - drinking. I am an
alcoholic, quit drinking some seven years ago. Sometimes I see my buds having a
beer, and having fun, and I say to myself, aah, maybe just one. As soon as I
say that, my brain automatically plays back a movie I have seen a thousand
times. It includes many stupidities,
embarrassing moments, some gut wrenching emotional and physical pain, and my
family. Furthermore, I am immediately reminded that my one drink will quickly
become 10 or 20, and I will no longer be having fun like my buddies. Then it's over, the craving is gone, it has
just been overcome by sensibility and reality. That movie is now automatic, but
it wasn’t always that way. I used to
have to remember to turn it on, but with practice, it became automatic.
I am working on
a new one for smoking. It's gonna take a lot of practice, but hopefully it will
become automatic as well. (So when I say I have movies playing in my head, I
really do!) I scan the list of benefits,
and weigh it against the costs of having just
one, then I associate just one to
a pack or two per day. I think of a slow
painful death, and I again think of my family. Doesn’t work real well right
now, but hopefully sooner or later it will.
I also try to identify the trigger and how I got into this junkie thinking mode, so that I
hopefully avoid it next time.
Hang in there, Heather Dawn
Take care,
Encouragement for Heather Dawn
Posted by Benita on March 05 at 19:37:31
My dear, dear Heather Dawn Heather
Dawn
If you slipped
on some water and fell down, what would you do? You would get up and walk. Dear
Heather Dawn
There will be
more rough days, but I promise, as God is my witness, it does get easier and
the ride smoothes out. We love you no matter what! Now let's get to work, Heather ! I love you friend!
Three months, one week, four
days, 20 hours, 58 minutes and 32 seconds. 2596 cigarettes not smoked, saving
$333.69. Life saved: 1 week, 2 days, 20 minutes.
********
I AM READY NOW!
Posted by Lisa on November 25
at 09:22:43
Well after 12
days of sheer hell and self-deception I am resetting my meter to zero! I
realize now that I have only been fooling myself by dipping into the cookie jar
(I mean poison jar). I jumped into this
quit rather impulsively following a health scare (although I've known for years
that it needed to be done!) without any real plan. I knew I HAD to quit smoking
but still didn't really want to! I stuck
to it only because of the great support on this Board and because I didn't want
to let my loved ones down. I have NEVER stuck to a quit for more than two days,
so these 12 days have really convinced me what an addiction smoking is and how
I cannot sneak one every now and
then!
So now I can say
with conviction that I WANT THIS DRUG OUT OF MY SYSTEM A.S.A.P! No more puffs,
no more patches, and no more self-pity! I am an ex-smoker and am glad to be rid
of cigarettes FOREVER! I AM NOT missing
out on anything! It is the poor smoker
that is missing out on EVERYTHING! I will see this withdrawal period as my body
repairing itself and not as self-torture as I have for the past two weeks. So go ahead Nico-Scum… MAKE MY DAY and hit me
with your best shot! (Just not for too long, please!)
********
I FAILED
Posted by Michelle
E 10:38:42
Hi Everyone,
What is wrong is
I failed. I was almost at two weeks and
now I must start over. I can't quit
crying. My stomach is in knots. The Board is blurry. I was at work yesterday, but not the same job
I usually have. I only work there once
in a while when needed. It was a very,
very slow day. I couldn't get on the
Board.
The cigarettes
were right by me. I fought for five
hours and then caved. I was just so
tired, and all I needed was just one drag.
No, I didn't want to. Yes, I
did. Does this make any sense? I am shaking.
It is so hard to type. I have to
go to work in five minutes. Please pray
for me.
Anyway, after I
got the cigarettes and lit one, I decided I didn't want them. Last night I took
them to my sister’s and gave them to her.
I am so sorry to have failed everyone. Please forgive me.
Posted by Heather Dawn 11:02:43
In reply to: I FAILED Posted
by Michelle E 10:38:42
There have been
many times when I have almost done it, too. It could easily have been me. Michelle , the sad thing about a slip is it tends to
play a mental trick on you. It makes you think you will never be able to quit
and stay quit, which is just not true! It takes most smokers seven times to
quit for good. My hat is off to you. If I had taken a drag I would have felt
terrible and promptly smoked a pack or more and then felt, "Well it’s too
late now - might as well just keep on smoking." You didn't do that... I'm so proud of you...
You don't start over... Leave your meter where it is... One tiny little slip
does not destroy all that you have accomplished... Just keep on going... We all
know you’re going to make it.
Hugs to you, and have a good
day.
Posted by Terrie on January 20 at 11:03:49
In reply to: I FAILED Posted
by Michelle E 10:38:42
Oh baby... I'm
so sorry to hear that. You’re not the only one on this Board that this has
happened to, believe me, I know. Instead of feeling bad about this, learn from
it. Pick yourself up and start
again. If cold turkey is too much, and
it was for me, then use some kind of help.
Maybe talk to your doctor about some of the options that would be good for
you. I didn't want to use the patches
because I thought it was cheating, but
then realized that this isn't a game. It
wasn't cheating if it was going to help me save my own life.
The aids out
there are tools to use for the job specified, to quit smoking. If you really want this, Honey, get it by whatever
means it takes.
Take care,
Posted by Debbie on January 20 at 11:17:45
In reply to: I FAILED Posted
by Michelle E 10:38:42
First off, you
DID NOT FAIL! We don't fail around here - we screw up or slip, but we do not
fail. You don't have to start all over again. One smoke is not going to ruin
what took you two weeks to accomplish. Now, get your shit together, put a smile on that face and tell the NICO-SCUM to
get the hell away from you and stay away. If you have a meter, take a day off
of it, not the whole time. WE HAVE ALL SLIPPED A TIME OR TWO. You're not unique
to that! It's what you do with the experience that counts.
Posted by Michael on January 20 at 13:43:35
In reply to: Re: I FAILED Posted
by Michelle E 10:38:42
Hi Michelle ,
Looks like
everybody else took care of the serious side of getting you back up and
running, so I think it's only fitting that we put a smile back on your face as
well. What follows is something I wrote to a friend about a year ago in the
same situation... You definitely did NOT blow it… Here’s why:
Only quitting
quitters quit quitting. Since you plan
on quitting again with a fresh quit date, you can't possibly be a quitting
quitter because if you were a quitting quitter you would have quit quitting,
which you haven't. If you hadn't set a
date for a new quit you would be a quitting quitter, but quit dates are not set
by quitting quitters and therefore you are a quitter who will quit on her quit
date and will leave the quitting quitters to go hang out with other quitting
quitters… I think J
Smiling yet? J
Peace!
Fight the good fight!
********
Can't keep my quit…
Posted by Ben on April 08 at 20:22:24
After three
days, I had a cigarette - several. Checking... actually most of a pack. What
the hell? I'd been mildly craving for a few days, but nothing major. Nothing like during the supposedly one and
only quit (for a month!) about a month ago.
The problem is, I just don't have the self-control that I did on my big quit. I really wish I hadn't had that first one,
because it's just had a totally negative effect on me. Now I know I can quit - there's no dreading
it - so I feel less like sticking to it.
I need to come up with some psychological mechanism to help this stick.
Worst of all
(not that this is an excuse) my girlfriend smokes in the house occasionally
again. Not much, but it's not a help
either. Between that and my total lack
of motivation to quit, it's just too easy to drop the ball. I'm thinking of asking her to quit, but we
just don't make demands on each other much, and I feel like I ought to be able
to resist on my own.
Damn - I don't
even feel like a failure - it kind of felt like it was just a matter of time
since Monday before I had had one anyway.
Where did all that willpower that got me through the quit last month go?
And why oh why did I not keep quitting when I had a month under me?
It's got to
happen - I still can't believe that I'm smoking again, even if only
sporadically. I just don't seem to have the inner strength that I did before.
Anybody want to share some inner strength?
Feeling woeful,
Posted by Simone on April 08 at 21:27:11
In reply to: Can't keep my
quit... Posted by Ben on April 08 at 20:22:24
Dear Ben ,
There are lots
and lots of ways to keep the urges at bay - trust me. It's taken everything in
my power to keep from picking up a cigarette over the past nine weeks. I've whined, tried to convince myself that
I'll have one later, gotten pissed
off, played mental games, gone and done something constructive - the works. I
find myself rationalizing having a smoke all the time, and the only thing that
can stop me is myself. That is to say, mindset is everything. Nothing else will
stand between you and a cigarette.
I found that I
could never tell myself that smoking is not an option. It felt too restrictive.
When I tried telling that to myself, I immediately felt rebellious and
repressed, and my chances of smoking increased. If you take it from the
standpoint that you will quit until you really can't quit any more, you may have
better chances of maintaining the quit. Does this make sense?
Please, Ben , don't give up. You can do this. So, you're in a
slump - it will pass - hold on and breathe deep. Oh, and ask your girlfriend to smoke outside
if it's risky for your quit. This isn't about you making demands - this is
about her respecting your needs and your health.
Big hugs - feel free to
e-mail if you need to rant, rave, ramble, etc.
********
"Help, please," Elizabeth
Posted by Elizabeth 14:42:15
Hi everybody,
No, I didn't
drop off the face of the earth, I just fell into the clutches of the Nicodemon.
Saturday at work was stressful (as usual) and I was very tired. I bought a pack
of cigarettes - and another yesterday. I just smoked the last one. I am really
fighting with myself right now about buying the third pack. I don't want to go
through the withdrawals again, but I know it’s inevitable. I can't afford to
buy more patches, and gum doesn't work as well. It was so easy to smoke after
all the time (just about five weeks) that I had been quit - just that easy.
One of the
things that contributed to my relapse was being away from the Board, which
started during my vacation last week. I thought about my quit less and
eventually let down my guard. My asthma had finally started to get better,
which made it easier to start again, too. Oh, I know I'm rambling. I feel
hopeless. Like - why is it that you all are making it and I am not? Whine,
whine, whine - and the Nicodemon is whispering to me right now "Just go
get a pack and quit worrying about it - you can quit again tomorrow."
HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY
BACKBONE?
Hey Elizabeth !
Posted by JW on March 15 at 15:54:39
In reply to: "Help,
please," Elizabeth Elizabeth 14:42:15
Decide what YOU
want to do! Be a smoker or be smoke-free!
Make your choice. If you choose
to smoke, you can:
1. Buy cigarettes every day
(the price is going up, remember, so affording the patch isn't really an
issue. The patches are WAY cheaper in
the long run!)
2. Cough in the mornings -
every morning (that is the one thing my kid said has really changed - I am not
in the shower busting my lungs in the mornings anymore!)
3. Put new cigarette burns on
your car and clothes and furniture.
4. Worry about getting
emphysema as you get older.
5. Worry about heart disease
and stroke caused by high blood pressure.
6. Worry about loved ones
around you inhaling second hand smoke.
7. Buy LOTS of inhalers for
asthma from now on.
8. Go outside to smoke when you
could be doing something productive.
Hey, I've got
lots of 'em, but you get the picture!
Why couldn't you make it? Good question, but one that only you can
answer. That is what you have to find out!
Backbone? It takes some of that, yeah, but knowledge is key. Knowledge
about yourself, who you are, what you really want in your life, what truly
makes you happy. A cigarette might make
you feel temporarily better, but what about long term, both physical health and
mental attitude about yourself? Brute
force willpower (backbone, as you might call it) only lasts a short time.
Knowledge lasts a lifetime. There are
ways of gaining this knowledge. It takes time. This is not something that
happens overnight!
Please go to the
Nicotine Anonymous web site. Read about the Serenity Prayer and the 12-step
program. Then START them! I cannot tell you how much help they can be. Start by eliminating JUNKIE THINKING (excuses
to smoke) like “I can't afford the Patch” (cigarettes are definitely more
expensive!), “My life isn't going well right now” (smoking never changes that
for the better, either), “I felt bad” (yeah, so, get in line!). Then accept the fact that you crave a
cigarette and find the courage to let that craving pass even if it is
uncomfortable for a while, because it will pass.
This is an
ADDICTION. You don't cure it. You control it… for the rest of your life. One
way is to face it and deal with it. The other way is to smoke. It is your choice! My choice is to deal with it and make my life
better and happier! You have the option
to make that choice, too, if you want to.
Smile. Life is wonderful.
JW
Thanks JW...
Posted by Elizabeth 20:00:33
In reply to: Re: Hey Elizabeth 15:54:39
Well, I CHOSE to quit again,
after the post. No sense in wasting any more of my health, money, or time on
cigarettes. I AM going to beat this addiction. The Board helps tremendously. I
think being away from it was a big contributor to my relapse. I’ll know better
next time. Thanks for your support.
********
I must never
forget I was a nicotine addict,
I'm still an addict, but I don't use nicotine,
One day at a time…
