Newcomers to the support group are usually somewhat
shy in their attempts to gain acceptance by regular members. This is not surprising, considering that by
joining the support group we are actually asking others for help. The realization that we cannot fight this
addiction on our own can be scary in and of itself. Asking for help is not something that comes
easy for most people, especially when it relates to areas of the mind. This is further compounded by the reality
that today’s society teaches us to fix and resolve problems, conflicts and
frustrations as quickly as possible. The
exploration of feelings and emotions is often looked upon as a sign of
weakness. We are taught to deal with the
problem at hand in a swift and decisive manner, find a solution and then move
on.
Many smokers will bring this line of thinking with them
when they join the support group. Quite often their first question after
introducing themselves will be, “How long does this take?” or, “When will I
feel better?” or, “When will I be over the addiction?” Unfortunately, due to the fact that the act
of smoking is mostly a mental addiction, a quick fix is just not possible. Our addiction develops and evolves over many
years, often decades, and it is not something that can be turned off by just
flipping a mental switch.
Read on to see
how other ex-smokers responded to these questions and how they explain what you
can expect in the months ahead.
What’s going on here?
Posted by Brenda
J 13:07:48
Hi Gang,
I have been quit
a month already and I have to say I don’t see the monumental improvements
everybody’s talking about. Does it get
any better after a month? What exactly
can I expect? Any comments are appreciated.
Thanks, Brenda
Posted by Michael on January 4 at 17:20:03
In reply to: What’s going on
here? Posted by Brenda
J 13:07:48
Hi Brenda ,
First of all you
can expect your entire life to get better, but I must tell you that the
'better' actually comes at a snail's pace. It makes sense in a way though, if
you compare the decades of your life when you were a smoker to the one month
that you have been quit. By now you are completely rid of the physical
addiction, so what you're experiencing now is a mind-game.
You are in fact in
a grieving process, because you have lost something that was extremely precious
to you, namely the act of smoking. You are no longer physically addicted to
nicotine or any of the other chemicals in smokes. What you're really yearning for is either the
act and all the little niceties that go with it (I still miss my Zippo
lighter), or you are looking for a smoke in order to temporarily escape from a
crisis - could be ANY size. With that in mind, what you really need to do is
consciously relearn all the activities that once included smoking... Like
driving, eating, TV, PC time, reward for a job completed, leaving a
building... Every time you do one of
those things now something seems to be missing, right? Let go what is missing, Brenda , it never belonged there in the first place.
What's to come
in the months ahead? Probably more crying, self doubt, and the ever-present
question, "Is it really worth it?"
Anything and everything your mind can come up with to end the grief by
getting you to pick up, it will throw your way. Fight it on its own terms, Brenda .
Consciously teach your mind that something like driving a car was not
invented with the cigarette smoker in mind. It was invented as a means of
transportation. Cigarettes have no place in that picture. Say that to yourself
in any situation that used to include smokes.
Focus on the
good things to come in the months ahead.
Springtime is just around the corner, which you'll be able to enjoy more
intensely as an ex-smoker. Your lung
capacity will increase immensely, and most importantly a sense, no, a strong
feeling of goodness and pride will build in you that you may have never felt
before. Beating this addiction is the biggest rush you can imagine, but like I
said earlier, the rewards come at a snail's pace.
Peace!
Fight the good fight!
********
When does it get physically normal (cold turkey)?
Posted by Ben on March 30 at 21:11:08
Just a shade
under six days into a cold turkey quit, and I'm going to make it! Still, I'm getting curious. When do I feel
normal? I'm feeling a whole lot better today than I was on day one or two.
When, though, am I going to not be totally preoccupied with the quit
anymore? There aren't 15 minutes, heck,
not even five minutes that go by when I don't think about either a) my quit or
b) having a cigarette.
Obviously, it
isn't always like this; otherwise, no one would ever quit. So, sages and seers
who've got more time in this than I do, what kind of time frame are we
committed newbies looking forward to? Because while I know I'm going to make it
through this, It would sure be great to know how long until I start feeling at
least a little normal again.
Thanks in advance,
Posted by Lisa on March 30 at 21:25:18
In reply to: When does it get
physically normal (cold turkey)? Posted by Ben
on March 30 at 21:11:08
Hey Ben ,
Excellent
question! I worried about the exact same thing in the beginning. I wish I could
give you a magical date, but it is happening more gradually with me. During my
first week, I obsessed about them 24/7 - and I mean that, because even when I
was asleep, I was often dreaming that I was smoking - very scary until one
realizes it's just a dream. Gradually, though, I'm finding there are fewer and
fewer triggers for me - and when I do get cravings, I can dismiss them more
easily.
I'm at four
weeks - on Sunday at 11:15PM
- and no longer think about one when I first get up, or just before I go to
bed, or when driving the car, or when I'm busy at work, etc. In fact, I'm
finding it's down to when I'm feeling sad, mad or anxious - or when I'm around
alcohol - or when I'm waiting for something.
Luckily, that doesn't happen too often.
You're doing great!
********
Still hanging by a thread?
Posted by Eve on February 21
at 21:34:12
Hi Gang,
I hate to do
this again, but I NEED HELP! Here I am still hanging by a thread not knowing
exactly what is keeping me from buying a pack. WHEN WILL THIS STOP? I honestly
don't know how much longer I can continue this and remain smoke-free if I don't
find relief soon! I do the water, and the breathing, and milk and peppermint
patties and keep myself busy. I DON'T
KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO TO EASE THIS!
In the past when
I have been to this point, the only thing that kept me from smoking was this
Board so I'm asking again for help. I
know I don't really want to smoke yet some part of me thinks I REALLY DO!
I am getting
better at asking for help - there's a breakthrough! Jeepers, Gang! I don't want to blow this! And I feel like I might blow it... I want to
live and I want to give this NON-SMOKING LIFESTYLE a chance... It has been 1M
1W 5D 22h 47m and 25s. I have NOT smoked
791 cigs and have saved $88.21 Life Saved
2D 17h 55m. I really don't want
to blow this and start all over. What do I DO?
Help please,
Posted by Tommyboy on
February 21 at 21:58:06
In reply to: Still hanging
by a thread? Posted by Eve on February
21 at 21:34:12
WHOA, STOP, BACK
UP, and think of anything but this stinkin’ thinkin’! Those stinking death
sticks that you have worked so very hard to stay away from are not the answer
to this dilemma! I am not familiar with your particular quit and what aids, if
any, you are using. I am using nearly every legal thing I can get my paws
on. I forgot my Wellbutrin yesterday and
nearly crashed and burned! If you're up to it, I suggest PRAYER right now and A
LOT OF IT! Go offline for a while, open a WordPad sheet, and write the Serenity
Prayer over and over until the urge passes. It will pass and then you can
continue.
SMOKING IS NOT
AN OPTION! You, like every other addict
here (myself included), are ONE PUFF AWAY FROM A PACK A DAY! Hang in there!
Posted by Dee K. 21:53:06
In reply to: Still hanging
by a thread? Posted by Eve on February
21 at 21:34:12
There is a big
part of you doesn't want to smoke. That seems really clear. Just a question: Are you maybe expecting too
much? You say you are doing a lot of things, like the breathing, etc, which is
great! And don't stop. But what I mean is are you maybe thinking that because
of all the efforts you are making that you should now be all set with this? I'm
wondering because you expect a lot from yourself, since you don't like asking
for help as you said. I can relate to
that. Just because you are taking a lot of smart steps to help your quit and
you still feel uncomfortable doesn't mean that you are not SUCCEEDING! So please remember that.
This is not a
comfortable thing we are doing, but it does get better. ALSO remember the part about ACCEPTING. Don't fight it. Just let it happen. If you are feeling like you could crawl out
of your skin, then accept that feeling and you might be amazed how much you can
still accomplish while you are feeling that way. This is how a lot of times
have been for me.
Best wishes to you.
********
Cravings after a MONTH?
Posted by Annie on October 7
at 05:13:11
I am reading
posts where people are having major withdrawals well after a month! How long do
the unbearable cravings last? You guys are scaring me!
Posted by Michael on October 7 at 08:32:19
In reply to: Cravings after
a MONTH? Posted by Annie on October 7
at 05:13:11
Hi Annie ,
The truth is, Annie , this addiction IS scary. It is important, however, to understand that
the cravings that come after a month of being quit are in no way physical
cravings for the drug, but rather mental cravings for the act of feeding our
addiction.
The addiction of
smoking goes far deeper than sucking nicotine into our lungs. It is a ritual that lets us escape from
reality, or crisis, or stress, or anger etc.
We know full well that smoking will not solve a problem or crisis, so
why then do we turn to it and label it as a craving? We do so because we need to give a label to
our temporary escape. Going outside to
just scream for five minutes because we don't want to deal with life right now
wouldn't be a socially acceptable response to crisis. Temporarily escaping from
that same crisis by feigning a need
for a smoke, on the other hand, barely raises an eyebrow.
After a month of
being free of nicotine the act of smoking as a defense or escape mechanism just
isn't valid any more. What we need to do
at that point is relearn how to respond to crisis. Once we consciously teach ourselves new
methods of stress/crisis management, fighting the addiction becomes a
productive endeavor rather than a personal pity party. Don't be scared, Annie . Be strong and be proud of yourself for
becoming an ex-smoker!
Peace!
Fight the good fight!
********
Need some help…?
Posted by Brooke on February
16 at 08:40:13
My husband and I
quit smoking ten days ago. He's taking Zyban, I'm going cold turkey. We're doing okay leaving the cigarettes
alone. We are both recovering alcoholics, so we know a little bit about how to
stop addictive behavior... One day at a time!
We've got bigger and better problems now. We're both sick - chest cold,
congestion, headaches, and worst of all, severe constipation… Any one else out
there experience this when they quit?
The doctor tells us it will pass, but I’m starting to wonder...
Thanks, Brooke
Posted by Michael on February 16 at 12:15:15
In reply to: Need some
help…? Posted by Brooke
on February 16 at 08:40:13
Hi Brooke ,
The colds are
most likely coincidental; it's just that time of year. The constipation, on the
other hand, is part of quitting.
Nicotine is a chemical that enhances your digestive system. Your body
got used to having that extra little boost in the intestinal tract and
eventually depended on it for maintaining regularity. Once you stopped feeding
your system nicotine, your digestive system basically went into a tailspin,
hence the constipation.
Eat lots of
fruit and above all drink lots and lots of water to get you through the next
few days and weeks. Eventually your body will realize that the nicotine booster is no longer part of you and
will relearn to maintain regularity on its own.
As for the colds, I think chicken soup is still the best... :-) Feel
better!
Peace!
Fight the good fight!
********
Quitting, Depression and Grief…
Posted by Sherry
on January 3 at 00:29:47
Wishing for that magic wand - to wave over Blairsville
- to make all the hurt, all the pain, go away. But, the batteries of that magic
wand are dead. What we do have is what you might call the "Spirit of
Blairsville”. This spirit is so
valuable, so important to my quit. It was here that I learned, absorbed, and
accepted this addiction. And I do truly believe that the learning, re-learning
we must do... is not just the addiction to the nicotine, but also a learning to
live, to reaching for acceptance, of managing the addiction.
In Blairsville, I read much of depression. Of course
there is depression! But what a frightening thing to face when quitting!
Depression? Me? I've never had this before! Of course you haven't, because the
addiction handled the depression! Of course, that is why we smoked! Our addiction
isn't just to the nicotine - it's to the delivery system.... the power of that
addiction, masking our inner most feelings! So… how am I to cope? With this
"security" removed?
The depression, the tears, the rage, the anger... All
is a part of "the quit." I've had the experience of working
"good grief." And, I do believe, from deep in-side of me, this
learning to work that grief, led me to work those same feelings, those same emotions...
those same experiences, in my quitting smoking... At last, I came to understand
those feelings and those emotions, as a part of this quitting process... and
that added strength.
So, I share some stages to be considered in this
quitting.... because, quitting an addiction is a process, not an event... You
may experience all of these, none of these, or part of them!! There is no order
to them... But, sometimes, just knowing these ten stages can help…
Stage 1 - A state of shock - we can somehow bear pain and
sorrow and even tragedy. However, when the sorrow is overwhelming, we are
sometimes temporarily anesthetized in response to a tragic experience. We are
grateful for this temporary anesthesia, for it keeps us from having to face
grim reality all at one... Our anesthesia is the euphoria that exists inside of
us, with these first few days of quitting!
Stage 2 - We express emotion. This emotional release comes at
about the time it begins to dawn upon us how dreadful this "loss" is.
Never smoke again? Sometimes without warning, inside of us, is this
uncontrollable urge to express our grief, our grief at losing this friend, this
lover, this soul-mate, my life. And, what do we need to do? Let those emotions
come!!! This is exactly what we ought to do, allow ourselves to express the
emotions we actually feel. We have been given tear glands, and we are supposed
to use them when we have good reason to use them! Express those emotions in
Blairsville. We do understand…
Stage 3 - We feel depressed and very lonely. It is true; no
one's quit is exactly like mine, because no two people face the quit the same
way. But, the awful experience of being utterly depressed and isolated is a
universal phenomenon. Remind yourself, it is to be expected following a significant
loss, that such depression is normal and a part of the healthy
"quit."
Stage 4 - We may experience physical symptoms of distress.
Many of us get sick. Our hostility of "having" to quit, our feelings
of guilt, of ever having "started smoking in the first place" - all
get intertwined in our feelings. The "quit" becomes an important
factor in our illnesses. But, we can't take up where we left off, smoking
again. So, we must take a turn at being a philosopher, to search for the
meaning to life... for we must learn to live life, as a person who is not
smoking.
Stage 5 - We may become panicky. We find ourselves panicky
because we can think of nothing but, "I can't smoke ever again!" We
try so hard to get our minds off the subject, and perhaps for a moment or two
we can be distracted from this worry, but soon we are right back again where we
started. Naturally, this hinders our effectiveness in this quit. When people
ask us questions, we have to ask them to repeat so often that they wonder what
is wrong with us! We simply cannot concentrate. This inability to concentrate
is just as natural as it can be. When something has been terribly important to
us for a long, long time and it is taken from us, we cannot be expected to do
anything but be constantly drawn to this loss and suffer daily as we struggle
with the gradually dawning realization that it is gone forever.
Stage 6 - Feeling a sense of guilt. Yep - a feeling of guilt
from having smoked for so very long! Maybe it is a neurotic guilt - but - after
not smoking for days, weeks, months, years... we feel this guilt of having
smoked in the first place!! (Not going any further with this one!)
Stage 7 - Anger and resentment. Gradually we move up out of
the depression, and in so doing we may be more able to express some of the
strong feelings of anger and resentment of which we may not even have been
aware. When we have something precious taken from us we inevitably go through a
stage when we are very critical of everything and everyone who was related to
the loss. We spare no one in our systematic scrutiny of the event, attempting
to understand exactly why this happened, and who is to blame. The human in us
is always looking for someone to blame.
Stage 8 - We resist returning. We have ceased some of our “trigger”
activities, for this first part of the quit. Now, we may be quite well along in
our quit and really want to get back to our usual activities, something inside
us may resist returning. Our quitting has been so special and we feel that
other people just do not understand how great this quit is! The pace of our
lives may have something to do with this. The minute people finish one event
they are off to another and another. But, we are in a process, not an event…
They want events, we want events… We got process…
Stage 9 - Gradually hope comes through. Now and then, we get
a glimpse of the "freedom of the quit" from an experience. This cloud
that has been so dark begins to break up, and rays of light come through. We
are never quite sure how long it will be before this begins to happen. Some of
us do not want anyone "meddling" in our lives to get through this
quit. And, some of us need to express our emotions. We keep this warm affection
and encouragement of those here, to find other experiences in life can be meaningful
again. We joke, we tease, we share dinners, and we share our kids, our hurts,
our joys, our lives... and, our "real life" lives.
Stage 10 - We struggle to affirm reality. We finally begin to
affirm reality. Please note that I do not say that this is the final stage...
that we become our old selves again. When we go through this significant
experience, we come out of it as different folks. Depending on our decisions,
we embrace our success, our freedom, or, we become smokers once again. Some
never completely work through this quitting process, and months and even years
later are still fighting battles within themselves... or worse, they’re
smoking... As we begin to struggle to affirm reality, we find that we need not
be afraid of the real world. We can live in it again, and hope once again becomes
a part of our own outlook on life. Though we may continue to struggle, we do
affirm reality!
I am convinced of the importance of keeping at the
task of nurturing one's quit, because I have seen how such people demonstrate
this ‘greatness of keeping the quit,' under trial. On the other side, I now
have seen what happens to folks who have not taken the steps to working their
quit. It's not over in a few weeks, or even a few months, but rather it’s an
ongoing process…
We do realize that life will never be the same again,
and for that.... I'm grateful... and I smile! To affirm something is to say
that it is good... and quitting smoking is definitely good - the single, most
significant experience in my life... the one experience that really makes me
beam with joy!
Love ‘ya, Support Group - it
works!
Sherry
22+ Months
22+ Months
*******
When one door
closes another door opens;
But we so often
look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door,
That
we do not see the new worlds which open for us.
