Thursday, January 15, 2015

Chapter 11 - Looking Back… Things We Hated About Smoking …When We Were Smokers

It’s always interesting to experience the enlightened mind of an ex-smoker.  As time goes by and we become more realistic about the addiction, we tend to look back with amazement as well as amusement at some of the things we put ourselves through in order to feed our addiction.  The paradox is that we truly hated many parts of the activity, yet we continued smoking just the same.
The following collection comes directly from the members of the support group at QuitSmokingSupport.com and represents the best of what we hated about smoking… when we were smokers.   As you read on, see how many of these you can identify with.

  1. I hated that disgusting, wet cough that made other people gag when they heard it.

  1. I hated the pain in the eyes of my children when they saw me light up.

  1. I despised trying to hide my nasty habit from non-smokers and feeling ashamed.

  1. I despised having young people ask me for a smoke or a light and then say thanks with a look of admiration like I was, oh, so cool. It made me feel like crap because I felt like I was assisting in their suicide and giving a false impression of my beliefs about smoking just because I was addicted myself.

  1. I hated nicotine hangovers after nights of really heavy smoking.

  1. I hated our laughs that turned into that disgusting, hacking cough – something I now remember as a death rattle.

  1. I hated lying to the doctor when he asked how much I smoked. How could I say two packs? I always fudged and I hated not telling the truth.

  1. I hated burning holes in clothes that were my favorites or were even brand new.

  1. I hated accepting invitations when I did not know if I would be allowed a place to smoke or not.

  1. I hated carrying breath spray everywhere - especially on dates.  I also hated wondering if the guy would ever ask me out again after he kissed my ashtray mouth.

  1. I hated accepting invitations that included a long car ride with non-smokers.

  1. I hated spending so much money on something that was shortening my life and the lives of those around me.

  1. I hated emptying full ashtrays.

  1. I hated that my clothes and even my entire body constantly smelled like a day-old dirty ashtray.

  1. I despised the disappointed look on my friends’ and family’s faces when they smelled the cigarette smoke on me.

  1. I despised not being able to sit through a meeting without wondering when I could get a cigarette.

  1. I hated standing out in the rain because there was no way I was going to smoke in my new house.

  1. It was so gross to have to stink so badly and sometimes having yellow stains on my fingers. I hated pulling a pen out of my purse for someone to use and having tobacco crud all over it.

  1. I hated always being under the weather with chronic sinus infections, bronchitis, coughs and the like.

  1. I hated pretending to my extended family that I didn't smoke - and knowing that they probably knew better.

  1. The thing I hated most about smoking was my own low self-esteem.  I continued to smoke even though I knew it was killing me - and then trying to quit and being unsuccessful only made things worse.

  1. I hated fussing at my daughter for being between me and the ashtray - I mean what's more important, the cigarette or her? (I REALLY hated this.)

  1. I hated that I ducked away from giving certain people hugs because I did not want them to smell my hair or clothing. I hated smelling like an ashtray.

  1. I hated the terrible headaches. They were the worst.

  1. I hated being so addicted that I often could not see a whole movie or play without taking a smoke break.

  1. I hated many things about it, but most of all I loathed feeling so powerless -  like I couldn't stop doing it, despite all of the reasons, as if smoking would always be more important to me.

  1. I despised smoking outside in 100 degree weather, feeling like my lips and lungs were on fire, but feeling compelled to do it anyway.

  1. I hated the heavy feeling in my chest and the morning hacking.

  1. I really hated wondering if my kids would be smokers because of the example that I set, and wondering if they would be the ones to get cancer or emphysema due to my unsolicited support of smoking.

  1. I hated always worrying about the high risk of emphysema.

  1. I hated being addicted to something so badly that I would dig around in my car ashtray to find a not-too-smoked butt that would hold me over until I could buy yet another pack - and even more - driving and trying to light that butt and hoping that the person in the car next to me wouldn't see me or how addicted I was.

  1. I despised the embarrassment of having to stand outside to smoke.

  1. I hated looking in the mirror and thinking I looked older and more decrepit than I should.

  1. I hated constantly having to excuse myself so I could smoke.

  1. I hated myself for smoking while pregnant - REAL GUILT with this one.

  1. I despised obsessing about how I would get away from family at gatherings so I could have a cigarette since none of them smoke, and then returning to ugly looks because they hated my addiction more than I did.

  1. I despised always smelling so much like a full ashtray (not just smoke but a full ashtray) that non-smokers would step back a step or two during conversation.

  1. I hated the fact that most activities made me out of breath - instantly.

  1. I despised wondering and worrying every day about whether or not I'd get lung cancer or if I'd be so unfortunate as to have to languish in a slow and painful death like emphysema.

  1. I hated hiding from my kids when smoking, because even my six year old knows how bad it is for you.

  1. I hated how much money I spent on those stupid things.

  1. I hated worrying about lung cancer and maybe some day having to carry around an oxygen bottle.

  1. I hated it the day that my middle son came home from school and told me that the teacher had asked him if he smoked. He had told her "No, but my Mom does." Boy, didn’t that make me proud…

  1. I hated having to go easy during sex because I thought my chest would explode.

  1. I despised the feeling of non-smokers trying to make me feel like I was less of a person, less of a human being. I’m sure you know that feeling.

  1. I hated smoking when I had already buried two non-smoking parents because of cancer. If they had cancer and did not smoke, how much worse were my chances? I hated the fact that even with that knowledge I continued to feed my addiction.

  1. I hated that terrible coughing and hacking in the morning.

  1. I hated myself for being powerless for so damn long.

  1. I couldn’t stand the fact that I couldn’t stop.

  1. I hated being an addict.

            “I hated being an addict.”  That statement could very well be the number one driving force in the evolution of a successful quit.  Of all the things we hate about smoking, being addicted is probably the worst.  Fortunately, by using the aids and tools available to us today, by reaching out for help and support from fellow addicts, we can and will beat this addiction at its own game.  A new, smoke-free life can be ours if we choose it.
            The choice is ours, and we choose freedom!
                        Fight the Good Fight!
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